Keep Learning – Live Passionately – Be Willing to be Misunderstood
PT Goddess’s prescription to ward off granny wings …
… this after I read that HIIT will help flatten an apple belly. 
Do it – and see the results. Or keep telling myself that same old story and see those results.
As with all things; it’s a choice.
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“We first make our habits, then our habits make us.” ― John Dryden
As I walked into the living room from an extended and very intense workout – my husband said “you’ve been at it a long time today” … my response: “yeah; helps me not want to pinch people’s heads off!”
Strong emotions … and the many ways to deal with them. With everything going on this week I employed more than one. Upping my endorphins with serious cardio absolutely morphed my mood. As did attending my favorite Gentle Yoga & Meditation class . . . and my extreme hip-hop dance class.
Reaching out to my mates, my community for support also provided relief to my fury. Exercise, deep breathing & meditation; community, all help level my emotions when I’m disturbed.
Several years ago while studying the works of Pema Chodron, I was introduced to a different way to cope with intense feelings; the practices of the Warrior Bodhisattva and applying tonglen (May 31, 2015 Blog Post). Wikipedia says that with tonglen:
“… one visualizes taking in the suffering of oneself and of others on the in-breath, and on the out-breath giving recognition, compassion, and succor to all sentient beings. As such it is a training in altruism.”
When I read this back in 2015, the whole concept was overwhelming. Starting small and with time I’ve allowed myself to be curious about what drives my strongest emotions. In her teaching on The Wisdom of No Escape, Pema says:
“When the flag goes up, we have an opportunity: we can stay with our painful emotion instead of spinning out. Staying is how we get the hang of gently catching ourselves when we’re about to let resentment harden into blame, righteousness, or alienation.”
Coming to know myself, accepting all my good, bad and ugly – embracing it, sitting with it; loving it . . . remains a work in progress.
“Sticking with uncertainty is how we learn to relax in the midst of chaos, how we learn to be cool when the ground beneath us suddenly disappears. We can bring ourselves back to the spiritual path countless times every day simply by exercising our willingness to rest in the uncertainly of the present moment—over and over again.”
Yes – Relaxing “..in the midst of chaos..” Learning “to be cool when the ground beneath us suddenly disappears.” . . . This is an intention I can embrace; a practice worth cultivating.
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From her book Comfortable with Uncertainty; Pema Chodron’s #4 of “108 Teachings on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion”
The Wisdom of No Escape
The central question of a warrior’s training is not how we avoid uncertainty and fear but how we relate to discomfort. How do we practice with difficulty, with our emotions, with the unpredictable encounters of an ordinary day? For those of us with a hunger to know the truth, painful emotions are like flags going up to say, “You’re stuck!” We regard disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, jealousy, and fear as moments that show us where we’re holding back, how we’re shutting down. Such uncomfortable feelings are messages that tell us to perk up and lean into a situation when we’d rather cave in and back away.
When the flag goes up, we have an opportunity: we can stay with our painful emotion instead of spinning out. Staying is how we get the hang of gently catching ourselves when we’re about to let resentment harden into blame, righteousness, or alienation. It’s also how we keep from smoothing things over by talking ourselves into a sense of relief or inspiration. This is easier said than done.
Ordinarily we are swept away by habitual momentum. We don’t interrupt our patterns even slightly. With practice, however, we learn to stay with a broken heart, with a nameless fear, with the desire for revenge. Sticking with uncertainty is how we learn to relax in the midst of chaos, how we learn to be cool when the ground beneath us suddenly disappears. We can bring ourselves back to the spiritual path countless times every day simply by exercising our willingness to rest in the uncertainly of the present moment—over and over again.
We’re born into a story. A story of culture and heritage – of country, shaped by region, city, neighborhood – fixed by family, gender, race and class. We believe this story as truth. Until one day … maybe, we can imagine something different.
When John Lennon and Yoko Ono released “Imagine” I was 12. Their call for me was set inside my story. Could I imagine no heaven? No nation – no possessions? No I couldn’t, not then.
Reading Yuval Noah Harari’s Homo Dues; A Brief History of Tomorrow is opening my mind to a potential that John Lennon saw 47 years ago. It’s uncomfortable, unnerving and exciting.
Let me step outside my story, my comfort zone; see reality from a different vantage point. Change my perspective; make an actual paradigm shift.
Could I try on for size the possibility that there’s no heaven, no hell and purgatory just doesn’t exist? Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. My sins won’t be punished; my sacrifices unrewarded. No being born again. All that exists is today. If this is true – what changes? Do I choose differently?
Considering I’ve depended on Karma – with a CAPITAL K to take care of some of the most egregious shit-heads of the world a new story is a huge ask for me.
Harari cleverly outlines psychological and scientific aspects of our “experiencing self” and “narrating self” – how our self-told stories shape what and how we feel. He says that it’s “much easier to live with the fantasy because the fantasy gives meaning to suffering.”
Byron Katie’s approach – doing “The Work” to accept life as it meets me, helps move me off a story that’s grinding me down. Make Inquiries. Ask – The Four Questions and Turnaround:
… Turn it around, and find three genuine examples of how the turnaround is true in your life.”
This is how Byron Katie helped me “Let Go of the Big Mad”
It’s all a story.
I’m tellin’ ya – we gotta . . . TELL BETTER STORIES!!!
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[Pi:] “So tell me, since it makes no factual difference to you and you can’t prove the question either way, which story do you prefer? Which is the better story, the story with animals or the story without animals?” – Yann Martel, The Life of Pi
Homo Deus; A Brief History of Tomorrow, by Yuval Noah Harari
“Each and every one of us has been born into a given historical reality, ruled by particular norms and values, and managed by a unique economic and political system. We take this reality for granted, thinking it is natural, inevitable and immutable.
“We forget that our world was created by an accidental chain of events, and that history shaped not only our technology, politics and society, but also our thoughts, fears and dreams.
“The cold hand of the past emerges from the grave of our ancestors, grips us by the neck and directs our gaze towards a single future. We have felt that grip from the moment we were born, so we assume that it is a natural and inescapable part of who we are.
“Therefore we seldom try to shake ourselves free, and envision alternative futures.”
We can’t know how tomorrow will look. Before Model T’s showed up few believed the horse-drawn carriage would disappear. Or 25 years ago in Blockbuster’s heyday, who knew they’d vanish – and we’d have #NetflixAndChill? What’s next? Land lines, keys; cash? Who’s next? Cashiers, taxi drivers; the mail man?
No doubt someone’s screaming that we’re losing the precious good ‘ole days! Good for who? Him? Her? You? Me? Nostalgic longing. Think – were those days really happy? Or is that just a story we tell ourselves?
When I reflect on how humanity is simply subjective experience – and what that actually means, I can fall into a funk – in a hurry. Mostly though I’m swept up with everyone else and believe the story of today. Stories give us meaning; they unite us. Yuval Noah Harari says: “All large-scale human cooperation is ultimately based on our belief in imagined orders.”
Let’s imagine what lies around the corner . . .
If we must have our stories . . . let’s dream big and envision an alternative future worth living.
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“The past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whatever form. Both are illusions.” – Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now
IMAGINE – John Lennon
How many times have I said this? “If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.” A friend and I recently acknowledged our use of this magical phrase as a way to side-step the hard work. It’ll happen if it’s meant to be . . . Me DO something? Why?
Yes – on occasion acceptance of things I can’t control is appropriate. Do I have the wisdom to know the difference between the things I can change and those I can’t? There’s a prayer for that!
The hard work – courage.
How many times has self-labeling kept me stuck? Or allowed me to take a pass? In conversations with my “pessimistic” friends I claim to see the “glass as half-full” – or that I “wear rose-colored glasses.” Does my preference for being an optimist keep me from participating in the “real world?” Then, when the “real world” shows up is that why I’m gob-smacked?
Being willing to do the hard work means I’m willing to challenge my perceptions; perceptions of my personal beliefs, my circumstances; the society in which I live. Some perceptions provide armor in a tough world; some provide excuses – or explanations. Some are authentic. If I never look, I’ll never know. If I never know, can I truly be happy?
Recently my Flipboard Newsfeed brought the Feb 2016, Time Magazine article Doing These 4 Things Will Make You Happier, According to Neuroscience by Eric Barker. Neuroscience and brain research fascinate me – people who make is accessible to non-experts are remarkable.
What a great piece – who wouldn’t want to know simple, scientifically proven steps to happiness? I shared it widely among my friends. For those who aren’t brain research aficionados; I share Barker’s cliff notes:
“Here’s what brain research says will make you happy:
Opening myself to the real world, having an attitude of gratitude – labeling those pesky negative emotions help me participate and contribute. Releasing my perfectionist ways and simply taking action reduces the rationalized paralysis. The best – Hugs!! Being heart-to-heart with those closest to me, vulnerable and accessible, bring the biggest rewards.
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“If most of us remain ignorant of ourselves, it is because self-knowledge is painful and we prefer the pleasures of illusion.” ― Aldous Huxley