“When you notice what you do, don’t try to change it. Don’t criticize yourself for whatever it is you’re doing. Just notice what it is.”
Been spending a lot of time noticing, as Pema Chodron recommends in Comfortable with Uncertainty. She says if we stay in the middle:
“. . we start to see what’s happening . . . we acknowledge our aversions and our cravings. We become familiar with the strategies and beliefs we use to fortify our cocoon . . . we start to get curious about what’s going on.”
Pema says we do three things when we see our irritating habits – the ones that make us crazy like “laziness, anger, or self-pity.” She says we use “the three futile strategies.” FUTILE! “fu·tile; (fyo͞odl,ˈfyo͞odīl) / adjective; incapable of producing any useful result; pointless.” Got it!
They are “attacking, indulging, and ignoring.”
“. . attacking is particularly popular. When we see our habit we condemn ourselves. We criticize and shame ourselves for indulging in comfort, or pitying ourselves, or not getting out of bed. We wallow in the feeling of badness and guilt.”
Certainly! A favorite pastime, flagellating myself because I’m human, get pissed, am less than perfect. Note to Self: must stop this.
“. . indulging is equally common. We justify and even applaud our habit: “This is just the way I am. . . We may be haunted by self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy but we talk ourselves into condoning our behavior.”
Oh yes .. another amusement: lively conversations with the committee in my head – not helping. Neither are the obsessive compulsive trips to the cookie cupboard!
“. . ignoring is quite effective, at least for a while. We dissociate, space out, go numb.”
My favorite strategy; my wee cocoon. So much time imitating a pill bug. Pull back, curl up – wrap myself in that protective shell – I’m gonna be okay! . . . Is that not working??? NOOOOO!!!
A warrior bodhisattvas will try the “fourth alternative” – “experiencing whatever you’ve been resisting-without exiting in your habitual ways. Become inquisitive about your habits.” Just observe, watch. This is HARD!!!
I walk around having weird conversations with myself .. “no, no, don’t repress your anger – just watch it … no, no, now you’re indulging – whoa! Go easy girl, you’ve pilled up; unfurl yourself” – no need to go all passive aggressive. Aaaaaahhhhhh! Sigh. Lucky me, I get to try again tomorrow. Remember, just be curious about myself. It (whatever “it” is) – will be revealed. Pema says:
“Practice touching in with the fundamental tenderness and groundlessness of your being before it hardens into habit. Do this with the clear intention that your ego-clinging diminish and that your wisdom and compassion increase.”
Yeah – that. And time is my friend.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
“It always seems impossible until it’s done.” ― Nelson Mandela
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