Tag: #willingness

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Hey! Don’t Let Me Down

Learning what hooks my psyche is a journey up a spiral stairway. Glaring and obvious troubles are identified and addressed in due course. Okay, done. Then it’s back – the worry, the frustration, the resentment; hooked again.

Didn’t I learn that lesson? Well, sort of. This go-around is simply a variation on that theme; a tad more profound and nuanced maybe. It can feel like I’m doomed, but I’m not.

Each step up the staircase refines my spirit; making it lighter and more genuine.

Two coping mechanisms I acquired early on were “I don’t want to disappoint you” and “I’ll show you.” A Yin/Yang duo for the ages.

Success stories in my portfolio show those assholes who said I couldn’t do something; that, YES I can – and I DID. Most of the time they didn’t even know I was trying to prove anything. But I did. That’s what mattered.

That combative device isn’t as necessary anymore. When it does show up, I see it for what it is. This gives me the opportunity to choose. Is this more self-validation? Or is it bigger than me? There is a difference.

Barry H. Gillespie

As for the people pleasing business, that one’s a bit more insidious – or I’m being thickheaded. Recently, I didn’t want to “let down” some anonymous player in a hidden object game I started playing during the pandemic. “LENE” and I kicked ass on the Detective Challenges. Now I want to move on. How can I mourn the loss of someone I never met? Why do I feel like I’m letting her down?

Curiously I have no answers yet, I’m just sitting with the discomfort. The insight I seek may be a few steps away. Or maybe delighting my higher self is my true objective.

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

― J. R. R. Tolkien
“Don’t Let Me Down“
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The Glass is More than Half Full

Bill Gates and Barak Obama included the book Factfulness, by Hans Rosling on their 2018 summer reading list.  I’ve been a Rosling fan since I stumbled onto his TED Talk: the best stats you’ve ever seen years ago.  Obviously this went on my reading list as well.

Took the test at the front of the book.  Promptly failed it – like everyone else, despite my fandom.  Interesting.  As I read I acknowledged that YES … things are significantly better now than in the 1800s – in SO many ways.  Huge changes in just 200 years.  And the improvements in MY lifetime (since the 60’s) – ASTOUNDING!  Extreme poverty in decline.  Fewer babies die in childbirth.  More people have access to electricity and clean water.  Most people live in middle-income countries.  Worldwide, people live longer and are more educated (even GIRLS).

Yet strangely this good news is tucked away from our awareness by basic human instincts.  Which may be why Rosling and his family wrote the book – to identify and outline our blinders and help us become aware.  They describe ten reasons “even people with access to the latest information get the world wrong.”  Too often we’re oblivious to our own misconceptions.

These instincts may be hard to conquer, but it’s worth trying.  The Rosling team recommends we teach our children (and ourselves) humility and curiosity.

“Being humble, here, means being aware of how difficult your instincts can make it to get the facts right.  It means being realistic about the extent of your knowledge.  It means being happy to say “I don’t know.”  It also means, when you do have an opinion, being prepared to change it when you discover new facts.  It is quite relaxing being humble, because it means you can stop feeling pressure to have a view about everything, and stop feeling you must be ready to defend your views all the time.”

On the heels of reading Sapiens and Homo Deus by Yuval Noah Harari – realizing how humans exploited the planet and wiped out countless species – and the constant shower of chaos spewed by our leaders and the media – my angst was eased to learn the fact; things are improving – bit by bit.  Drip, drip, drip.  I just need to open my eyes and my heart – and be willing to change my mind.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking.  It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” – Albert Einstein

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If It’s Meant to Be, It’ll Be . . . Acceptance Or Abdication?

How many times have I said this?  “If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.”  A friend and I recently acknowledged our use of this magical phrase as a way to side-step the hard work.  It’ll happen if it’s meant to be . . . Me DO something?  Why?

Yes – on occasion acceptance of things I can’t control is appropriate.  Do I have the wisdom to know the difference between the things I can change and those I can’t?  There’s a prayer for that!

The hard work – courage.

How many times has self-labeling kept me stuck?  Or allowed me to take a pass?  In conversations with my “pessimistic” friends I claim to see the “glass as half-full” – or that I “wear rose-colored glasses.”  Does my preference for being an optimist keep me from participating in the “real world?”  Then, when the “real world” shows up is that why I’m gob-smacked?

Being willing to do the hard work means I’m willing to challenge my perceptions; perceptions of my personal beliefs, my circumstances; the society in which I live.  Some perceptions provide armor in a tough world; some provide excuses – or explanations.  Some are authentic.  If I never look, I’ll never know.  If I never know, can I truly be happy?

 

Recently my Flipboard Newsfeed brought the Feb 2016, Time Magazine article Doing These 4 Things Will Make You Happier, According to Neuroscience by Eric Barker.  Neuroscience and brain research fascinate me – people who make is accessible to non-experts are remarkable.

What a great piece – who wouldn’t want to know simple, scientifically proven steps to happiness?  I shared it widely among my friends.  For those who aren’t brain research aficionados; I share Barker’s cliff notes:

“Here’s what brain research says will make you happy:

  • Ask, “What am I grateful for?” No answers? Doesn’t matter. Just searching helps.
  • Label those negative emotions. Give it a name, and your brain isn’t so bothered by it.
  • Go for “good enough” instead of “best decision ever made on Earth.”
  • Hugs, hugs, hugs. Don’t text — touch.”

Opening myself to the real world, having an attitude of gratitude – labeling those pesky negative emotions help me participate and contribute.  Releasing my perfectionist ways and simply taking action reduces the rationalized paralysis.  The best – Hugs!!  Being heart-to-heart with those closest to me, vulnerable and accessible, bring the biggest rewards.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

“If most of us remain ignorant of ourselves, it is because self-knowledge is painful and we prefer the pleasures of illusion.” ― Aldous Huxley

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Am I Willing to Be Misunderstood?

“Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood?” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

When I stop “trying” to be understood and let things be as they are – an interesting alchemy occurs.  First, an immediate tension of wanting to be right . . . to be heard, sweeps over me.  The committee in my head gets agitated – yeah; cause it’s all about me right?!

When I’m able to be still for even a minute, the tension eases.  I relax and acceptance creeps in.  Like magic – stress, tension and annoyance seem to dissolve.

I was reminded recently that I get the honor of learning lessons over and over.  Like an onion, I peel away the layers; discovering subtle nuances in each – that remarkably resemble each other, but are not.

Changing my behavior begins with awareness.  I must be willing to see things upside down and backwards.

My yoga instructor shared about letting go and acceptance.  Hearing her personal lesson that “having to be right” sometimes showed up as the “need to be understood” – and that both can interfere with accepting what is . . . nudged me sideways.  That these two concepts could be connected was novel to me.  Could this be one of those subtle layers?

Stepping out and being willing to be misunderstood is an aspiration of mine.  In some ways I’m quite capable.  In others – I’m finding not so much.  Without awareness I don’t even see the obvious.

Today I have a new awareness.  Now it’s time to make this wondrous shift occur more often than not.  Not easy, but do-able.  When I find I’m explaining myself – when that sweeping need to have someone hear me – know me – get me, shows up . . . I pay attention.  Sometimes I can stop myself and allow that magic moment of stillness to happen; sometimes I wade in knee deep – sometimes I bloviate.

Every now and then I’m privileged with a meeting of minds.  Occasionally I find a precious character who not only gets me but builds on what I say; taking my thoughts or concepts to a higher level.  These conversations are electrifying.

More often my words land with a thud – or worse, return a contrary and obstinate response.  This is when trying to clarify my position only creates friction.  This is when I get to practice my new awareness.

The testing ground of my aspiration – am I willing to be misunderstood?

Taking another step outside my comfort zone.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥