Self-Care is vital, yet often one of the first things out the window. Too much to do. Or so I tell myself. Buying the tall tale fed to me since birth. This, that and the other is my responsibility. Rebel and suffer the consequences. Real and imagined.
Check that box, get the degree, marry that guy. Make the money – keep up with the Kardashians. All worthy goals – if it’s what you REALLY want. What if I don’t?
Stepping off the treadmill and doing for me, opens the door to self-reflection. Knowing who I am and what I want is the most caring thing I can do for myself. This requires I recognize and accept my good and bad.
Depending on my story, this is a relaxed ramble, or a dreadful descent. Being dragged through a hedge backwards accurately describes a few of my outings. Didn’t level me, but it hurt. I got scars.
Witnessing my shadow self is uncomfortable. It requires I confront the bits that don’t want to be a Kardashian. That reveal I’m different; not weird, not wrong or deficient. Just not what’s expected by society.
Defense mechanisms like denial, projection and repression let me keep the support and admiration of my community. But the cost can be acute. Feelings of guilt and shame for alleged derelictions of duty are persuasive. Yet, when I disregard my wants and desires, anger and resentment will show up somewhere.
In her book, Women Who Run With The Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estes shared the words of Opal Whitely:
“Today near eventime I did lead
The girl who has no seeing
A little way into the forest
Where it was darkness and shadows were.
I led her toward a shadow
That was coming our way.
It did touch her cheeks
With its velvety fingers.
And now she too
Does have likings for shadows
And her fear that was is gone.”
Self-care feels good. It’s not selfish, but an abundant doorway to discovery. When I face my shadows, own my projections and accept my truth, I’m content – and one step closer to empowerment.
“The doors to the world of the wild Self are few but precious. If you have a deep scar, that is a door, if you have an old, old story, that is a door. If you love the sky and the water so much you almost cannot bear it, that is a door. If you yearn for a deeper life, a full life, a sane life, that is a door.”
― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves
