#clarissapinkolaestes | Living The Emerson Rule

Self-Care is vital, yet often one of the first things out the window. Too much to do. Or so I tell myself. Buying the tall tale fed to me since birth. This, that and the other is my responsibility. Rebel and suffer the consequences. Real and imagined.

Check that box, get the degree, marry that guy. Make the money – keep up with the Kardashians. All worthy goals – if it’s what you REALLY want. What if I don’t?

Stepping off the treadmill and doing for me, opens the door to self-reflection. Knowing who I am and what I want is the most caring thing I can do for myself. This requires I recognize and accept my good and bad.

Depending on my story, this is a relaxed ramble, or a dreadful descent. Being dragged through a hedge backwards accurately describes a few of my outings. Didn’t level me, but it hurt. I got scars.

Witnessing my shadow self is uncomfortable. It requires I confront the bits that don’t want to be a Kardashian. That reveal I’m different; not weird, not wrong or deficient. Just not what’s expected by society.

Defense mechanisms like denial, projection and repression let me keep the support and admiration of my community. But the cost can be acute. Feelings of guilt and shame for alleged derelictions of duty are persuasive. Yet, when I disregard my wants and desires, anger and resentment will show up somewhere.

In her book, Women Who Run With The Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estes shared the words of Opal Whitely:

“Today near eventime I did lead
The girl who has no seeing
A little way into the forest
Where it was darkness and shadows were.
I led her toward a shadow
That was coming our way.
It did touch her cheeks
With its velvety fingers.
And now she too
Does have likings for shadows
And her fear that was is gone.”

Self-care feels good. It’s not selfish, but an abundant doorway to discovery. When I face my shadows, own my projections and accept my truth, I’m content – and one step closer to empowerment.

“The doors to the world of the wild Self are few but precious. If you have a deep scar, that is a door, if you have an old, old story, that is a door. If you love the sky and the water so much you almost cannot bear it, that is a door. If you yearn for a deeper life, a full life, a sane life, that is a door.”
― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves

“Women may be the one group that grows more radical with age.” ― Gloria Steinem

As I mature, this line by Gloria Steinem resonates exponentially. On its own it could be an anthem of power, an invitation of liberation. However, she originally said it because she saw women lose power as they aged. Maybe the discomfort prompted by chronic bias changes one’s perspective – makes it easier to get pissed.

Young women may be more buoyant. The patriarchy still values their youth and sex appeal – and as workers, wives and for childbearing. Not all, but quite a few lassies:

“… haven’t yet experienced the life events that are most radicalizing for women: entering the paid-labor force and discovering how women are treated there; marrying and finding out that it is not yet an equal partnership; having children and discovering who raises them and who does not; and aging, still a far greater penalty for women than for men.”
– Gloria Steinem; Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions

Yet, it’s heartening to hear Gloria Steinem’s observation that women today are more aware and perceptive far earlier than previous generations. They’re taking up the mantle to transform the imbalance.

Navigating the perpetual disparity of our sex and aging can be overwhelming, and move some of us to join Twisted Sister’s call to arms:

We’re not gonna take it
No, we ain’t gonna take it
We’re not gonna take it anymore

In her book Women Who Run With the Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estés, warns:

“There is a time in our lives, usually in mid-life, when a woman has to make a decision – possibly the most important psychic decision of her future life – and that is, whether to be bitter or not. Women often come to this in their late thirties or early forties. They are at the point where they are full up to their ears with everything and they’ve “had it” and “the last straw has broken the camel’s back” and they’re “pissed off and pooped out.” Their dreams of their twenties may be lying in a crumple. There may be broken hearts, broken marriages, broken promises.”

Being persistently outraged is miserable, especially when there’s so much sweet life to savor. How do I align with this cheeky paradox? A friend of mine calls herself a happy warrior. Call me envious!

Maintaining my equilibrium when hit with a wave of outrage is a work in progress. Still, I’m confident my contributions make a difference. When I left Corporate it didn’t resemble what I inherited – in a good way. I’m grateful for those willing to take the baton. The new generations have the power to take it from here.

It’s possible to appreciate my feminist roots, represent, and remain joyful.

“One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it.” ― Clarissa Pinkola Estés

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Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner