Category: Spirit – Soul, Courage

In Martha Beck’s book, Dianna, Herself – An Allegory of Awakening, one task of awakening is to “tell the truth.” 

“Start.. by simply writing down any thoughts that are making you miserable, and checking to see if their mirror opposites may actually be more true than the original statement.” 

The Mirror – the mirror concept is making me miserable.

This is the concept where I own that my life is a direct reflection of my inner state.  If anything shows up that’s icky … it comes from me.  If it’s beautiful – mine too.  Wrote about this in 2014 – “What You See Is What You Think.”  Trusted it for decades.  Seeing my inner in my outer gives me perspective when I’m judgmental, need motivation or when I project blame.  Gives me joy when the sky is blue.

Lately, this concept is just making me mad.  It’s exhausting, this being responsible for the crap.  Yeah, yeah, yeah … if it’s still here I have more to do; oh poor pitiful me – waaah, I must deserve this shit… so take it.  Well just Piss Off!

Now that I have more time on my hands to contemplate, meditate and look around in awareness – I’m seeing every freaking wart!  But wait – Martha asked me to do something slightly different.

Consider if the mirror opposite of these thoughts “may actually be more true than the original statement.” … “tell the story a truer way … If a story liberates your soul, believe it.  But if a story imprisons you, believe its mirror image.” 

Bad story?  Believe its mirror image.

Exhausting–being responsible for the crap → Refreshing–this power to make change

If it’s still here I have more to do → If it’s still here, time to let it go

Poor pitiful me → Noble worthy me

I deserve this shit → I deserve love

Take it → Give it

While kicking around this idea – I started taking selfies with our new puppy.  Interesting … I noticed the backward mirror vision as I snapped the photos.  What we see in the mirror isn’t exactly what’s there.  It’s backwards.  What we see in the mirror is backwards.  Hah! – Quite the “aha” moment.

Truthfully though, without my friends reminding me of all the stuff I already know I might go bat-shit crazy.  Even with this knowing moment, I STILL whined to my dear friend on a particularly hard day owning my junk – junk I was sure I’d already conquered.  She graciously reminded me I’m on a journey; and sent me a cool Barry Gillespie quote.

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“The more you know, the more you know you don’t know.” ― Aristotle

“I learned a lot observing my frustration and judgment, sitting with my anger, feeling the force of my rage.” – Jack Kornfield, The Wise Heart

When we “become intimate with our frustration, anger, and blame,” Jack Kornfield says we learn the difference between reacting and responding.  The Buddha says:

“There is gain and loss, slander and honor, praise and blame, pleasure and pain; the awakened ones are not controlled by these external things; they will cease as quickly as they arise.  If others speak against you, do not be angry, for that will prevent your own inner freedom.  Learn to bear their harsh words patiently until they cease.”

“Learn to bear their harsh words patiently until they cease.”

Whew!  A lot to ask.  Is it too much?  Kornfield doesn’t suggest I put myself in harm’s way; that I shouldn’t respond – or even leave if the situation calls for it.  This is about inner dialog.  How I take in what’s dished out.  If I let that junk slide off instead of sink in – I suffer less.

Sometimes it feels like the Universe delights in bringing people and situations that push my every last button.  As long as I choose to hold those buttons tight … someone will surely see ‘em and push ‘em.

The idea of using “the practice of non-contentiousness” – “Stopping the War” appeals to me.  Practice is the key.  Practice and a bit of courage. Kornfield reminds us that Mahatma Gandhi said, “Non-violence requires more courage than violence.”

Pema Chodron opened my eyes to the concept of being a warrior Bodhisattva – take in those disturbing emotions and send out what’s needed; with love.

Being liberated from anger, frustration and suffering of my own making – just might keep me in my seat when the discomfort would take me to the floor. Could a magical alchemy brewing?

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“The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.” – William Blake

“Each of us has our own measure of pain.  Sometimes the pain we suffer is great and obvious; sometimes it is subtle. . . . To survive we have to cover our heart, build up a layer of clay, and defend ourselves.  We lose the belief that we are worthy of love.  

“The mystic Simone Weil tells us,

“The danger is not that the soul should doubt whether there is any bread, but that, by a lie, it should persuade itself that it is not hungry.”

“Compassion reminds us that we do belong, as surely as we have been lost.

“The courageous heart is the one that is unafraid to open to the world.”

– Jack Kornfield, The Wise Heart

The Lie:  “.. persuade itself that it is not hungry.”   

Why do we do that?  It isn’t easier to say I don’t want something when I do want it.  The wanting doesn’t go away, it just goes underground.  Then shows up in the most inconvenient ways … a sarcastic jibe; compulsive devouring of a second, third, fourth cookie; mindless web surfing, another hand of solitaire.

No, the danger isn’t in the rejection, the loss.  The danger is when I deny I want what I want – that thing that rejected me; what I lost.  Regardless of the circumstance . . . I am worthy; I’m worthy of attention, love, compassion – from others, from myself.  I belong.  Being courageous isn’t just facing fears and acting anyway (although that’s a good one!) – It’s admitting I’m vulnerable and showing it.

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“See it to be a lie, and you have already dealt it its mortal blow.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“To manage difficult situations, fortunately we have an energy as powerful as that of anger, but this time it is controllable, as it comes from anger’s most effective antidotes: kindness, patience, and reason. 

“The moderation that these qualities engender is often interpreted as a sign of weakness.  Personally, I think it is true inner strength.  Compassion is certainly benevolent and peaceful by nature, but it gives great power, while those who easily lose patience are unstable and not sure of themselves.  I think it is giving vent to anger that is a clear sign of weakness.

– The Fourteenth Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso

In the chapter on altruistic love and compassion (On the Path to Enlightenment), Matthieu Ricard shares the heart of Buddhist practice.  Again, I’m being schooled in bodhichitta; the spontaneous wish for enlightenment through compassion for others.

Kindness, patience and reason.   

So many people are mad these days.  Maybe they always were, but the volume is going up – and the mean spirited venom is being cut loose.  Can I be kind, patient and reasonable in the face of this anger?  Can I be anything other than these things if I want to create a different tone in the world – or at least my immediate world?

The Dalai Lama is right, these qualities are often mocked and called weaknesses.  Yet:

“To eliminate the destructive potential of anger and hatred, we must understand that they are rooted in the pursuit of our own well-being to the detriment of others. This selfishness is not only the source of anger; it is also the root cause of all our troubles.”

We all want to be happy and not to suffer.

Wishing others happiness and the end of suffering above myself is uncomfortable. It’s definitely NOT the way folks in my neck of the woods were brought up.  To wish happiness for those I see as my enemy, or who treat me badly? – HA!  Invitation or challenge?

Kindness, patience and reason.  Okay – I’ll give it a go; see where it takes me.

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“When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” – Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist