Knowing my desire to build ambiguity muscles, Renee followed an instinct and gifted me a copy of Pema Chodron’s Comfortable with Uncertainty; 108 “practical teachings” from her works. The timing was perfect and I started reading these small vignettes before my daily meditation.
The objective of this collection is to help “cultivate compassion and awareness amid the challenges of daily living,” and offers “a progressive program of spiritual study, leading the reader through essential concepts, themes, and practices on the Buddhist path.” So far, so good!
Everything I read in the preface was appealing, reinforcing my belief that these readings, combined with meditation will help me “become familiar” with my “natural openheartedness.” My desire to awaken bodhichitta – particularly “absolute bodhichitta” our “natural state, experienced as the basic goodness that links us to every other living being on the planet” pulled me in.
Then came teaching #3 – explaining that “those who train wholeheartedly in awakening bodhichitta are called bodhisattvas or warriors.” – AND – “warrior-bodhisattvas enter challenging situations in order to alleviate suffering.”
I’ve been chewing on this for a month now. My initial reaction was – NO WAY. Who voluntarily enters challenging situations to alleviate suffering? Okay, I know a few folks who might, but that’s not my M.O. I felt my insides recoil . . but trudged on:
“A warrior accepts that we can never know what will happen to us next. We can try to control the uncontrollable by looking for security and predictability, always hoping to be comfortable and safe. But the truth is that we can never avoid uncertainty. This not-knowing is part of the adventure. It’s also what makes us afraid.”
This feels true; but crap, I want to be safe and comfortable – at least until I’m bored. Okay, I do like adventure – but oh God; can’t stand the fear!
The good news for me is that to cultivate “an unconditional loving-kindness” with myself – I just need to “start where you are.” No more, no less. Grace.
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“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can..” – Arthur Ashe