This year brought unexpected, but welcome personal insights. Around boundaries, or lack thereof. Around beliefs I’d bought hook, line and sinker – that were a total fabrication.
With each epiphany and moment of deep enlightenment, I imagine I’ve reached a pinnacle. Then life gifts me with reminders that I’m not done yet. This is a journey after all.
Learning that boundaries are important makes logical sense, and my schooling started nine years ago. Gaining a deeper appreciation for their value took a minute. In February, the seeds planted in 2014 sprouted. Now it’s time to nurture and cultivate their growth. And adjust to the changes new behaviors brought.
Recent willingness to walk through difficult topics and triggering subjects, highlighted a belief I held about myself that was just plain wrong. A random personality test taken early in my corporate career labeled me low on the empathy scale. Yes, I’d just read Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged. Absolutely, I’m a Type-A overachiever and know the 80/20 rule very well. And sad to say, this classification sanctions conduct rewarded in a patriarchal office environment. But no. It wasn’t true.
Reading the book Emotional Labor, by Rose Hackman struck several nerves. The invisible, under-appreciated work done by women and the marginalized in society, the workplace, and at home is a lifelong frustration of mine. I stood up to “the man” where I could, boosting myself and others. But the entrenched misogyny and my own lack of boundaries kept my internal chaos up and results modest.
Rose Hackman points out that we have much to do to raise awareness of what’s entrenched in our society and our psyches. Her chapter on empathy lit me up. The lightbulb clicked. I’m decidedly empathetic; in every definition of the word. And I see how embracing that old fiction shaped my outlook and interactions. How it sustained my anxiety.
Learning to hold boundaries while embracing compassion for others is possible and improves my life.
As I integrate these lessons and throw out that false narrative – the Universe generously reminds me to be gentle with myself. That youngster didn’t know any better and deserves her share of my empathy.
“Learning is finding out what you already know. Doing is demonstrating that you know it. Teaching is reminding others that they know just as well as you. You are all learners, doers, teachers.”
― Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah
