#awareness | Living The Emerson Rule

Traditions and customs thread the fabric of our communities and family life making it tricky to suss out substance from stereotypes. Urban myths and stories told in schools, religious organizations, through corporate marketing and social media perpetuate yesterday into today. Escaping messages about who and what we “ought” to be is unlikely. And change is hard.

For an independent, rebellious sort of female, fitting into a society shaped by men, for men is awkward. Don’t like to cook? Ahem. Want a rewarding career? Follow the formula. May require I cut off bits of myself to fit that mold; if I want the good stuff anyway. How about a family? There’s a formula for that too. Danger, Will Robinson!

Women could vote when I was born – by about four decades. Alas, they weren’t legally entitled to have a credit card in their name until 1974. I was a teenager. The gender pay gap was between 60% and 75% all my working life. Considerable impact on my lifetime earning potential. Today it’s still not at parity.

Freedom of movement, health and education for women did improve for my generation. I was 14 when abortion was made legal – granting me the basic right to choose for myself. Hmm . . appears we’re regressing.

Despite the progress, the ERA stalled and died. Subtle methods of indoctrination linger that maintain the patriarchy.

Untangling ingrained habits and beliefs in my own psyche is a journey. A twisty, circuitous road, full of dead ends and loop backs. Changing behavior is uncomfortable and takes time. Takes willingness to let go. Willingness to be different. And an awareness that something is off.

Abraham Hicks tells me I can be ready to be ready to be ready for awakening. Martha Beck reminds me that change happens best in 1-degree turns.

Today I’ll open my eyes and take one step in the direction I want to go. I change, the world changes.

“That is, to be ourselves causes us to be exiled by many others, and yet to comply with what others want causes us to be exiled from ourselves.”
― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves

October 27, 2022October 27, 2022

Ouch – Didn’t See That Coming!

Almost everyone gets their buttons pushed on occasion. After all, we live in this world and are a product of cultural conditioning. It’s natural to react when our sense of self gets poked. How I meet that moment is what’s important.

There’s a hierarchy to my emotional triggers. Some I’ve danced with for years and are like an old pair of jeans. They don’t knock me down; I can breathe, take a pause and move forward pretty quickly.

Some are rougher; familiar but dark and deeply embedded in my psyche. Still, after decades of practice I can visit my support toolkit and move past the “fight, flight, freeze” reaction.

Then there’s the blindside. Can’t prepare for it. I don’t know what I don’t know.

But I’m hella ready to go there. After I pick myself up off the pavement.

Making conscious what’s buried in my subconscious is a process. Like the onion analogy, each layer takes me closer to my true self; one memory at time. Sometimes the themes are similar, but with a nuance that tests my mettle. Grit is required.

Carrying old wounds is a heavy burden. When I avoid them, they show up as depression and despair. Use the blindside . . . walk through the Kubler-Ross grief cycle.

When I don’t own my resentment and suffering, I bounce around the grief cycle and never achieve acceptance. Fixating on someone else’s side of the street, denying my part, feeds bitterness. If I want to move on, I must do the work.

These two TikTok’s by Inna Aizenshtein are informative on how to see, own and release what triggers me:

@inna_aizenshtein
😔 “I want to stop being triggered by others” ☹️ “Why can’t I respond differently? I am better than this!” 😣 “I want to change my compulsive behaviors but willpower isn’t working” 🚫 Here is why willpower doesn’t work when you are responding to a trigger, or even to a deeply engrained habitual behavior: ⛑ So long as your reaction is reflexive, it is a subconscious protective response. It cannot be changed. ✨ If that feels disempowering, there’s a lot you can do! Here’s how: 🌱 Re-process the entire event through the lens of learning and growth. If you can attach a positive association (learning + growth) to your negative experience, and especially if you can begin to take aligned action based on that positive association, you will naturally rewrite the emotional charge that experience has on you. 💛 The less residual negative charge this past experience holds, the less your subconscious mind will try to reflexively protect you (in a way you may not like). Ultimately, this will help you create more space to pause in the moments following a used-to-be trigger, and respond in exactly the way you’d like to! (Part 1 of 2) 📝 In the next video, I share questions you can ask yourself to reframe the challenge in a positive light. You can work through this process alone, with a friend, or your therapist. #willpower #nowillpower #compulsivebehaviors #triggered #triggers #copingstrategies #copingmechanism #CBT #PTSD #pasttrauma #howtoheal #howtocope #healingjourney #subconscious #subconsciousmind #reflex #journaling #journalingquestions #alignedactions
♬ Inspirational Cinematic Piano – MMaxmusic

@inna_aizenshtein
Replying to @luxecakesbyelina 🤬➡️😌 Want to change how you react to triggers? ⛑ A reflex response happens before you become aware of it, so stop relying on your willpower. Here’s what you can do: 🤓 Attach a positive association to your negative experience (by reframing the entire event as an opportunity for learning + growth). The sooner you begin to take aligned action based on that positive association, the faster you will naturally rewrite the emotional charge that experience has on your subconscious mind. 📝 Here are some questions you can ask yourself to reframe the challenging situation in a positive light. You can work through this process alone, with a friend, or your therapist. 💛 The less residual negative charge this past experience holds, the less your subconscious mind will try to reflexively protect you (in a way you may not like). Ultimately, this will help you create more space to pause in the moments following a used-to-be trigger, and respond in exactly the way you’d like to! (Part 2 of 2) #triggered #healingjourney #subconsciousmind #tbm
♬ Inspirational Cinematic Piano – MMaxmusic

Appreciate the lesson.

“It might be possible that ‘triggered’ may not be the most helpful word … For me, there is a felt sense of violence in this word, while ‘touched and awakened’ more accurately describes what happens to these sequestered neural nets.

This gentler wording helps us cultivate a sense of meeting the experience every time we are so ‘touched’ with an appreciation for what it might be offering.” ― Bonnie Badenoch, The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships

July 14, 2022July 14, 2022

This The Life You Want? Level Up.

Everyone is born to a path, in a geography to a people. Parents bestow a heritage; a place to start. It could be good, or awful; likely some kind of mixture. What I do with these offerings – is on me.

Talking with a friend recently reminded me how societal indoctrination influences my perception. Do I want what I say I do; or was I schooled to think so? Despite asking this question for ages, I still trip up. Living intentionally is a lifelong venture.

Beliefs and habits of thought taken as fact, may actually be fiction. Abraham Hicks reveals how my feelings of joy, appreciation and love indicate accurate, genuine truth. Emotions like fear, despair and powerlessness are tales I tell myself. The straitjacket is self-imposed. A good litmus test when following an inclination is the emotion that surfaces.

Every day is an opportunity to sleepwalk through life, live that pre-programed route bequeathed by birth and background. Or I can diverge – travel a singular road. J.R.R. Tolkein says “all who wander are not lost.”

Maybe it’s time to take this life to the next level; or as Ciara says “Less talking, more action – Level Up”

C I A R A: **Level Up** – *“.. you can talk all you want ..”*

“If you want to identify me, ask me not where I live, or what I like to eat, or how I comb my hair, but ask me what I am living for, in detail, ask me what I think is keeping me from living fully for the thing I want to live for.”
― Thomas Merton

June 28, 2022December 30, 2022

Listen – Very – Carefully – FEED HER

Entertaining myself on TikTok, I found a guy sharing his “Dad’s” advice. He expressly instructs said son to “Listen. Very. Carefully.” The advice is often about how to treat women better – and to FEED HER, which I find highly amusing.

@thisisshetty
Posting without bg music ITS MY OWN VOICE . 😒 *Repost. ( FEED HER ) #dad #son #women #men
♬ original sound – Shetty

Listening to experts, family and friends; getting advice from trusted elders – are excellent ways to gain knowledge and wisdom.

The phrase though — “Listen. Very. Carefully.” — inexplicably inspires me to mind my intuition and listen to my inner voice. This voice appreciates silence; rests in the bird’s song and the wind blowing. This voice has treasures only I can hear.

Routinely it feels like the outside world is in my face. Broadcasting on TV, through social media and ubiquitous marketing. All here at my invitation.

When I open my life to busy, eventful and stimulating crazy; I must balance it with sanctuary and rest to maintain my calm.

Undisturbed quiet time lets me receive the deep and intimate messages from my higher self. Extended periods of time are appreciated, but not necessary. A daily 20-minute meditation serves me well; and a simple 5-minute breather works in a pinch.

Listen . Very . Carefully . FEED HER.

@thisisshetty
“Handful of tacos is better than handful of none” – #Dad #son #women #men
♬ original sound – Shetty

“At every step, she paused, withdrew to the inner sanctuary, and asked herself, Does this feel right? Her answer came in the form of peace or tension. If she felt tension, she stepped a different way. If she felt peace, she kept going forward.” ― Donna Goddard, Circles of Separation

June 9, 2022June 9, 2022

Rituals – Reminding Me of the Wisdom of My Life

Honoring an intention with ritual helps me persevere when a new habit meets tired me, sad me, or angry me. Rituals are useful, gentle ways to let go or receive.

Ceremonies help me hear my quiet inner voice; and provide practical support to release resentments.

A practice I learned long ago is writing down the thing that weighs me down – acknowledge it. Then slip it in my God Box; turn it over to the Universe. When the nattering committee in my head inevitably circles back to hijack my serenity, I remind myself . . . this is in the hands of the Universe. It’s no longer my burden.

In May I held my first Full Moon Fire Ceremony. It was a Super Moon and a total lunar eclipse. I burned things from my God Box going back 30 years; and enjoyed a sense of release and excitement. New seeds were planted for my next period of growth.

June’s Full Strawberry Moon is around the corner. It’s another Super Moon and will be my second fire ceremony. More release – more new seeds. Recognizing the ending of one personal chapter and the movement into new learning, including more on rituals is exciting and energizing.

Knowing what and when to let go can be unnerving. Rituals help clear the mind and set the heart at ease. The joyful introduction of new seeds – oh so welcome.

“A ritual is the enactment of a myth. And, by participating in the ritual, you are participating in the myth. And since myth is a projection of the depth wisdom of the psyche, by participating in a ritual, participating in the myth, you are being, as it were, put in accord with that wisdom, which is the wisdom that is inherent within you anyhow. Your consciousness is being re-minded of the wisdom of your own life. I think ritual is terribly important.”
― Joseph Campbell