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Choose to be Different – If You Want To

We are who we believe we are. Choosing to be different is within our control. Seth Godin’s recent blog post points out this opportunity. He told a friend of his:

“The person we see when we look in the mirror is the person we become, the person we fight to defend and persist with.

If you see someone who doesn’t have a lot of friends, then every time a potential friend comes along, you will find a way to distance yourself from the heartache of being rejected, and you’ll continue to not have a lot of friends.

If you see someone who isn’t happy with inputs you can’t control, then when new inputs come along, you’ll find something wrong with them and seek more control not less.

If you see someone who thrives on challenges, challenges will become a chance to thrive.”

Seth encourages me to show up every day and see the person I want to be. This requires I acknowledge habits of thought that perpetuate a self I don’t want. With this insight, he suggests I change the stories I tell. Stop the drama and the dogged discontent I narrate – to myself and to others. Tell better stories.

Then behave accordingly.

“If you want to become the kind of person who can teach an 8-year-old how to play basketball, you can start doing that right now.

If you want to be the kind of person who leads, you can begin to lead.

If you want to.”

Acknowledge the problem.

Decide to change.

Reprogram beliefs.

Apply new behaviors.

Again and again and again . . .

“If you want to.”

“But this is human life: the war, the deeds,
The disappointment, the anxiety,
Imagination’s struggles, far and nigh,
All human; bearing in themselves this good,
That they are still the air, the subtle food,
To make us feel existence, and to show
How quiet death is.” – Keats

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” ― Confucius

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The Common Cold – Just Being Awesome

In her book You Can Heal Your Life, Louise Hay says a bout with the common cold might indicate having:

“Too much going on at once. Mental confusion, disorder. Small hurts. “I get three colds every winter,” type of belief.”

Using affirmations to set a healing intent can be helpful. For colds, she suggests:

“I allow my mind to relax and be at peace. Clarity and harmony are within me and around me.”

Everyone gets sick. Not everyone has the luxury of resting long enough to heal completely. But if we look though our great big To Do List and determine what MUST be done and what COULD be done, we can prioritize getting rest.

Setting aside our self-assigned optional duties also opens space for the mind to settle and the body to heal.

“Illness is the night side of life, a more onerous citizenship. Everyone who is born holds dual citizenship, in the kingdom of the well and in the kingdom of the sick. Although we all prefer to use the good passport, sooner or later each of us is obliged, at least for a spell, to identify ourselves as citizens of that other place.”

― Susan Sontag, Illness as Metaphor
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Wait a Minute – This Too Shall Pass

The world is transient; life is fleeting and temporary. Contemplating this impermanence helps me experience any present moment. Be they good or bad – this too shall pass.

Joyful, lovely events seem brief and ephemeral. While the weight of stifling emotions come across as grueling and permanent. Both sentiments are real and not to be ignored or commanded. Neither last.

In his song “Somebody That I Used to Know,” Goyte sings:

“You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end”

Nice little how-do-you-do to figure out.

The choice is mine to make every day. Choose happy, or the blues.

But let me be intentional. Embrace the happiness in the moment. Allow the sadness to exist without some mindless diversion. These feelings are here to teach me something. Experience them, own them – and let them go. As Pema Chodron says:

“If we are willing . . to be mindful not only of what feels comfortable, but also of what pain feels like, if we even aspire to stay awake and open to what we’re feeling, to recognize and acknowledge it as best we can in each moment, then something begins to change.”

This is me having compassion for myself.

Being mindful of our national celebration of thanks – today is a fitting day to absorb this message of appreciation from Abraham Hicks:

“When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the morning light, for your life and strength. Give thanks for your food and the joy of living, If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies with yourself.”

― Tecumseh
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Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner

Self-Care is vital, yet often one of the first things out the window. Too much to do. Or so I tell myself. Buying the tall tale fed to me since birth. This, that and the other is my responsibility. Rebel and suffer the consequences. Real and imagined.

Check that box, get the degree, marry that guy. Make the money – keep up with the Kardashians. All worthy goals – if it’s what you REALLY want. What if I don’t?

Stepping off the treadmill and doing for me, opens the door to self-reflection. Knowing who I am and what I want is the most caring thing I can do for myself. This requires I recognize and accept my good and bad.

Depending on my story, this is a relaxed ramble, or a dreadful descent. Being dragged through a hedge backwards accurately describes a few of my outings. Didn’t level me, but it hurt. I got scars.

Witnessing my shadow self is uncomfortable. It requires I confront the bits that don’t want to be a Kardashian. That reveal I’m different; not weird, not wrong or deficient. Just not what’s expected by society.

Defense mechanisms like denial, projection and repression let me keep the support and admiration of my community. But the cost can be acute. Feelings of guilt and shame for alleged derelictions of duty are persuasive. Yet, when I disregard my wants and desires, anger and resentment will show up somewhere.

In her book, Women Who Run With The Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estes shared the words of Opal Whitely:

“Today near eventime I did lead
The girl who has no seeing
A little way into the forest
Where it was darkness and shadows were.
I led her toward a shadow
That was coming our way.
It did touch her cheeks
With its velvety fingers.
And now she too
Does have likings for shadows
And her fear that was is gone.”

Self-care feels good. It’s not selfish, but an abundant doorway to discovery. When I face my shadows, own my projections and accept my truth, I’m content – and one step closer to empowerment.

“The doors to the world of the wild Self are few but precious. If you have a deep scar, that is a door, if you have an old, old story, that is a door. If you love the sky and the water so much you almost cannot bear it, that is a door. If you yearn for a deeper life, a full life, a sane life, that is a door.”

― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves
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Deliver Me! One Step at a Time

There’s no magic wand delivering me from despair to joy. This universal truth is found in slogans and adages like “one day at a time” and “every journey begins with a single step.”

In the book Ask and it is Given, Esther & Jerry Hicks outline a 22-point scale of emotions. When I find myself in the basement and am wracked with despair, moving up to joy can be quite the trek. Maybe I could heave myself from #22 to #17. Anger is better than the powerlessness despair provokes.

When I want to remember and practice a particular lesson, I take notes. This collection I augmented, teasing out nuances that resonated more authentically for me. Then I pinned it in my phone’s Notes App to keep it handy.

When I get irritated and impatient, I remind myself to move through my cynical sadness and weariness, knowing contentment is around the corner.

Spending most days in the top 7 rungs on this scale is a worthy goal.

This requires I search my inner self and the obstacles to growth and enlightenment.

The lyrics in Fleetwood Mac’s hit Landslide deliver a hopeful, optimistic sentiment toward introspection. The genuine, wistful and self-examining queries open a solid route for this seeker.

”Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?”

As I mature, the reflective nature of this song captures my imagination. I wonder at the energy my highest self can offer the child of my heart.

Will my own acceptance, forgiveness, love and understanding lift me above the tides of life I’m here to live?

The gift of self-awareness brings a boldness that didn’t always show up in earlier seasons. Bringing down the barriers my ego constructs, takes me closer to the peace I desire.

“Hope lies in dreams, in imagination, and in the courage of those who dare to make dreams into reality.”

– Jonas Sal