Living The Emerson Rule

July 26, 2015December 30, 2022

Empathy for a Sore Tush

During a Team Building exercise back in the 90’s, I pre-tested and scored dismally on the “Empathy” assessment. Well, I had just read Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged and I knew John Galt! That’s what I told myself anyway. No way were my empathy muscles puny because I’m totally selfish!

Flash forward; absorbing this concept of being a “warrior-bodhisattvas” is unsettling. Makes me stop and consider – am I empathy challenged because I have no empathy – just your basic self-centered egomaniac? Or did I bury those powers to protect myself? Am I a scared little girl in a woman’s body? Neither is appealing … but there I go again judging.

As I continue to probe in my meditations, and consider the teachings that Pema Chodron so gently presents . . . I inch toward willingness to “enter challenging situations in order to alleviate suffering” – to be that warrior-bodhisattvas.

On the plane home from a business trip this week, I read more about the practice of tonglon in Pema’s When Things Fall Apart. This practice – a method to connect with the suffering of others, is also used to overcome fear, release the tightness of our hearts; wake up the compassion she says is in us all. She explains we can do this by:

“.. breathing in others’ pain so they can be well and have more space to relax and open—breathing out, sending them relaxation or whatever we feel would bring them relief and happiness.”

Pema warns that this practice often brings up our own fears, resistance and anger. She reminds us that “in order to feel compassion for other people, we have to feel compassion for ourselves.” If our internal struggle shows up when we’re breathing for others we simply:

“.. change the focus and begin to do tonglen for what we are feeling and for millions of other people just like us who at that very moment are feeling exactly the same stuckness and misery.”

At that moment, my butt freaking ached! I was sore from sitting – in a car, in a chair, in an airplane seat; my own mini misery. So, I breathed in the pain of my sore ass for the whole airplane – and breathed out comfort and relaxation. And I felt better. Again, starting where I am.

Am I more empathetic today than yesterday? Ha! Maybe. Baby steps. Today I’ll do what I can; tomorrow will work itself out.

Breathe in, breath out. Hello empathy.

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“In separateness lies the world’s great misery, in compassion lies the world’s true strength.” – Buddha

July 22, 2015December 30, 2022

Willing to Feel

Pema Chordon; When Things Fall Apart

“How are we ever going to change anything?”

“Well, it starts with being willing to feel what we are going through. It starts with being willing to have a compassionate relationship with the parts of ourselves that we feel are not worthy of existing on the planet.”

“If we are willing . . to be mindful not only of what feels comfortable, but also of what pain feels like, if we even aspire to stay awake and open to what we’re feeling, to recognize and acknowledge it as best we can in each moment, then something begins to change.”

Relief and gratitude – Let go; there’s no point holding tight to keep it together.

Breathe in, breath out. Repeat.

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“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ― Thích Nhất Hạnh

July 20, 2015April 5, 2022

Sitting in the Discomfort

The committee in my head seized, and held me hostage last weekend. Great, I said to myself! Here’s an opportunity to practice the techniques I’m learning. I breathed in, breathed out. I noticed my reactions; leaned into the pain; leaned HARD into the pain. Felt the poison; asked the crazies to sit on my lap; gave them a psychic hug. Breathed in, breathed out again! BAM – Not happening. The flippin’ storyline would not be dropped.

It was frustrating and I was totally annoyed at myself; finally made it through the day.

In her book When Things Fall Apart, Pema Chodron says our reactions are “usually habitual” – and we should “see the next impulse come up, and how we spin off from there.” Whichever way we spin isn’t good or bad – we just need to “simply see . . . without judgment or the intention to clean up our act.”

After running away and judging myself, vowing to clean up my act could possibly be my next favorite pastime. A crew of folk taught me to keep my side of the street clean; promptly admitting when I’m wrong. Do I admit to “wrong” to push my discomfort away? Or am I really wrong? Do I impose a “wrongness” penance because of my harsh self-judgments?

Can I allow myself to simply sit in my discomfort? Just sit in it and feel it? No blame; no self-justification. Ugh. Pema says it will pass. Breathe in, breathe out-repeat. How long will this shit take? Oh! Till I get it – GOT IT!

Breathe in, breath out. Repeat.

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“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

July 14, 2015December 30, 2022

Science and Belief

In Biology of Belief, Bruce H. Lipton, Ph.D., a stem cell biologist who taught at Wisconsin’s School of Medicine, shares his journey of awareness; scientific and personal. He wants to empower non-scientific folk and make complicated stuff accessible. He teaches how “each cell is an intelligent being that can survive on its own” – and “actively seeks environments that support their survival… simultaneously avoiding toxic or hostile ones.”

“The fate and behavior of an organism is directly linked to its perception of the environment . . . the character of our life is based upon how we perceive it.” . . . “Many of us are leading limited lives not because we have to but because we think we have to.”

We are miracles. All our trillions of intelligent cells come together to create our experience on earth. Day-in, day-out, who thinks about how our cells work? How cell membranes regulate proteins; polar or non-polar; which cells get nutrients – or not? Who knew we had phospholipids that keep nutrients from getting where they need to go when the right receptors are missing? I guess a Biologist would – but me? Not so much.

According to Dr. Lipton, most Biologists “rely on the outmoded . . Newtonian version of how the world works.” They didn’t join the Physicists who threw out the Newtonian universe and “realize that the concept of matter is an illusion.” Lipton sees that:

“..matter is made of energy and there are no absolutes. At the atomic level, matter does not even exist with certainty; it only exists as a tendency to exist.”

When we talk disease, it shows up at the macro level; but it started at the molecular level. Taking a prescription “to silence a body’s symptoms, enables us to ignore personal involvement with the onset of those symptoms . . . drugs suppress the symptoms but most never address the cause of the problem.”

“Energy medicine” is not new. Chiropractic, acupuncture, homeopathic and other non-drug practitioners’ fight to be recognized as legitimate. Lipton believes that “the medical establishment will eventually be dragged, half kicking and screaming, full force into the quantum revolution.”

Quantum science includes biology – “matter and energy are entangled.”

“Thoughts, the minds energy, directly influence how the physical brain controls the body’s physiology.” – “The fact is that harnessing the power of your mind can be more effective than the drugs you have been programmed to believe you need.” – who hasn’t heard of the placebo effect?

Our “greatest problem” according to Dr. Lipton is that “we think we are running our lives with the wishes, desires, and aspirations created by our conscious mind.”

We aren’t. According to a 2005 neuroscience study, our conscious mind is active about 5% of the time. The other 95% we’re operating on autopilot – aka our subconscious. How else do we drive a car, have a conversation, eat an apple – and wind up where we’re going?

As children we pick up “the fundamental behaviors, beliefs and attitudes we observe in our parents.” They “become ‘hard-wired’ as synaptic pathways in our subconscious minds. Once programmed into the subconscious mind they control our biology for the rest of our lives … or at least until we make the effort to reprogram them.”

The good news is that we have a choice.

“We can actively choose how to respond to most environmental signals” . . . “The conscious mind’s capacity to override the subconscious mind’s pre-programmed behaviors is the foundation of free will.”

What we choose to believe is up to us. How we change our beliefs depends – hysterically enough on our beliefs; no one way works for everyone!

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July 8, 2015December 30, 2022

Responsibility – Awareness and Commitment

Bruce H. Lipton, Ph.D. provided many nuggets of wisdom in his book Biology of Belief. One nugget had me in the bulls-eye:

“.. you are personally responsible for everything in your life, once you become aware that you are personally responsible for everything in your life.”

He added the “once you become aware” part when people attending his lectures freaked out. His science is compelling, but he didn’t want to throw “guilt” “shame” or “blame.”

Quite the conundrum. Making people feel bad about creating a big ole stinky life doesn’t help one bit; could make things worse. But if the science is there . . . it’s complicated.

Becoming aware isn’t a magic bullet though. I can know I’m responsible, believe it to my core – and carry on ignoring and deflecting; because it’s easier. Who enjoys being the salmon swimming up the cultural stream? Or giving up cozy habits – especially the ones that give comfort on dark days?

Still everything starts with awareness. Becoming aware I can see the impact of my thoughts, actions, habits and beliefs. When I see, I can choose to change – or not. Awareness, commitment – action; the basics for a better future.

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“If you shut up the truth and bury it under the ground, it will but grow, and gather to itself such explosive power that the day it bursts through it will blow up everything in its way.” ― Emile Zola