During a Team Building exercise back in the 90’s, I pre-tested and scored dismally on the “Empathy” assessment. Well, I had just read Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged and I knew John Galt! That’s what I told myself anyway. No way were my empathy muscles puny because I’m totally selfish!
Flash forward; absorbing this concept of being a “warrior-bodhisattvas” is unsettling. Makes me stop and consider – am I empathy challenged because I have no empathy – just your basic self-centered egomaniac? Or did I bury those powers to protect myself? Am I a scared little girl in a woman’s body? Neither is appealing … but there I go again judging.
As I continue to probe in my meditations, and consider the teachings that Pema Chodron so gently presents . . . I inch toward willingness to “enter challenging situations in order to alleviate suffering” – to be that warrior-bodhisattvas.
On the plane home from a business trip this week, I read more about the practice of tonglon in Pema’s When Things Fall Apart. This practice – a method to connect with the suffering of others, is also used to overcome fear, release the tightness of our hearts; wake up the compassion she says is in us all. She explains we can do this by:
“.. breathing in others’ pain so they can be well and have more space to relax and open—breathing out, sending them relaxation or whatever we feel would bring them relief and happiness.”
Pema warns that this practice often brings up our own fears, resistance and anger. She reminds us that “in order to feel compassion for other people, we have to feel compassion for ourselves.” If our internal struggle shows up when we’re breathing for others we simply:
“.. change the focus and begin to do tonglen for what we are feeling and for millions of other people just like us who at that very moment are feeling exactly the same stuckness and misery.”
At that moment, my butt freaking ached! I was sore from sitting – in a car, in a chair, in an airplane seat; my own mini misery. So, I breathed in the pain of my sore ass for the whole airplane – and breathed out comfort and relaxation. And I felt better. Again, starting where I am.
Am I more empathetic today than yesterday? Ha! Maybe. Baby steps. Today I’ll do what I can; tomorrow will work itself out.
Breathe in, breath out. Hello empathy.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
“In separateness lies the world’s great misery, in compassion lies the world’s true strength.” – Buddha