Get Down and Get Gritty

“Don’t be frivolous.” – “Don’t waste your precious time. You never know how long you have.”

This is the message I drew from Pema Chodron’s deck of “Compassion Cards” today.  The cards are “teachings for awakening the heart in everyday life” – pull one at random for focus.

Staying focused – not easy when so much is spewed at us all day, every day – relentlessly!  It’s easy to become overwhelmed.  My cherished ambitions don’t feel frivolous – but they require time and drive.

  • Internal self – yoga, meditation; reading and writing
  • External self – exercise, prepping and eating healthy foods; getting enough sleep
  • Social and local scene – quality time with family, friends and neighbors
  • Society at large – standing up and showing up for my political and societal beliefs

We all get 24 hours.  How well do I use mine?

Some days I’m so overwhelmed I sit and mindlessly play rounds of online solitaire – or get sucked into Facebook memes, chatter and gossip.  The inconsequential Pema cautions me about.

In his book The Icarus Deception, Seth Godin says “Grit is our future.”  He doesn’t mean the grit that interferes with our assembly lines and our spinach leaves.  He’s talking about the internal grit that asks us to stand up and speak up; to point out the problems we see; to stay focused on doing “work that’s worth doing.”

He outlines what Psychologist Angela Duckworth and others say are key elements of grit:

  • Perseverance: people with grit stay hooked because they have goals and passion – it’s who they are.
  • Hardiness: gritty people survive the relentless grind because they’re determined to do so – it’s what makes “the work interesting, a challenge, worth doing.”
  • Resilience: despite obstacles, they dig in and are flexible and willing to practice daily; this isn’t a one-time gig.
  • Ambition: “Grit is its own reward” – it doesn’t need external success.
  • Commitment: these folks have “long term goals” – they don’t waver; “regardless of the presence of feedback.”
  • Flow: when people are “swallowed up by” their passion – they’re “focused beyond all reason, deep into something” they care about.

Seth says “we hesitate to expose our true selves and to speak up and do the work we’re capable of because we fear we don’t have the power to do so.  And yet some people manage to find that power.”

Some people maintain their focus – stay the course; get down and get gritty.

Get down and get gritty – let “some people” be me.

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“To be gritty is to keep putting one foot in front of the other. To be gritty is to hold fast to an interesting and purposeful goal. To be gritty is to invest, day after week after year, in challenging practice. To be gritty is to fall down seven times, and rise eight.” – Angela Lee Duckworth

What’s Next?

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” – Lao Tzu

It used to frustrate and annoy me that I was “just” a regular person.  Of course, my measuring stick was a bogus materialistic, societal façade.  Without money, looks, popularity or power – how could I impact the world?  Many of my past actions were calculated to attain distinction and prominence; but success was fickle.  Still without these accomplishments, what could I do?  Who was I?

Year by year, with deliberation – or sometimes serendipitously, my eyes opened and the false delusions shrank.  Lessons and teachers appeared that showed how one person makes ALL the difference.

Friend by friend I learned that conversations conducted with respect and consideration; acts of support and acceptance, whatever our differences – creates a community of genuine appreciation.

Step by step – doing the next right thing; my journey is full, rich and sharp with discovery.

Someone told me once that it didn’t matter where I was along the path – it was how far I’d travelled.  Comparing myself to others is a false conclusion.  Apples and orangutans.

Last Saturday at the Women’s March on Washington my objective was to be one of the bobbing heads showing up for inclusion, acceptance, love and solidarity.  The astonishing turnout, reactions of hope and communal validation, freaking bowled me over.  It took many regular people “just” like me to create that hive!

While it feels like it’s taken a damn long time to get to a point on the path where someone else started out – I see the significance of walking the distance.  Whether I’m an apple or an orangutan – I’m on the path.  One step at a time; I’ll do the next right thing – and little me will make a difference.

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“A wise woman wishes to be no one’s enemy; a wise woman refuses to be anyone’s victim.” – Maya Angelou

Soul Reflections – My Friends

“.. a friend is incredibly precious.  A friend is a loved one who awakens your life in order to free the wild possibilities within you.” ― John O’Donohue

It takes time to cultivate friendships – time and the willingness to be known and vulnerable.

Still, beyond the practical and intentional – it also takes a spark of recognition; seeing the potential, what’s possible.  In his book Anam Cara, John O’Donohue quotes Boris Pasternak: “When a great moment knocks on the door of your life, it is often no louder than the beating of your heart, and it is very easy to miss it.”

And so it is with friendship.  The world is noisy and hectic – those soul moments with kindred spirits can easily be disbelieved or ignored.  But didn’t we agree to help each other long before we were born?

My friends fill me up; believe in me when I don’t believe in myself; remind me that I’m brave.

As a girl scout I was introduced to the importance of friendship – “Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver and the other gold.”

Seasons come and go; and with some friends we share a short walk – others a marathon.  Some are our anam cara “soul friend.”  Each friendship reflects an intimate internal portrait.  We get what we give.

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“What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.” ― Aristotle

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” ― Anaïs Nin

Changes – The Story is Mine

Marjorie in NYC Dec 2015In his Dec 8, 2015 blog post, Full Speed, then stop, gracefully, Seth Godin said “Quitting slowly doesn’t serve you well.”  No – “Professionals bring their A game to work. Every time. (Rare sports analogy: this is how good hockey players skate. Full speed, then stop.)”

Yeah – no stress man.  When this blog post hit my email, Renee and I were in New York – both of us skating intense ice hockey.  While I was bringing my A-game that December day, my mind kept drifting elsewhere – to the decision I’d made months ago about a different future.  Seth’s post touched a nerve and I internalized it as a sign to channel my inner Wayne Gretzky – focus on where I am, not where I will be next.

Knowing that the holidays were imminent; vacation and family time approaching – I buckled down, set aside my personal hobbies and daydreams; took care of business.  How’s that working for ya girl?

Something was off, not right – couldn’t put my finger on it.  So stressed out.  Finally – at long last, I understood.  The decision and timing is mine; doesn’t belong to anyone else.  I was waiting and hoping for something outside of my control; giving over my story to someone else.  Revisiting Seth’s post I see he also said:

“Of course you will need to close things down, quit your job, move on someday. The responsible way to do that, though, is not to act things out while you agonize over a decision. Decide, give notice, make the transition work.”

Decide, give notice, make the transition work.

Leaving my work home of 26 years – the comforting routine, my very good friends; and walking a new path is intimidating.  I know my strengths where I am – the value I bring.  This new vision … unknown, foreign; risky – exciting; Eek!  Can’t live in both camps.  Not possible.  It’s time to set aside the skates and help the team carry on.  The story is mine.

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“All changes, even the most longed for have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.” – Anatole France

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