Tag: #letitbe

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If It’s Meant to Be, It’ll Be . . . Acceptance Or Abdication?

How many times have I said this?  “If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.”  A friend and I recently acknowledged our use of this magical phrase as a way to side-step the hard work.  It’ll happen if it’s meant to be . . . Me DO something?  Why?

Yes – on occasion acceptance of things I can’t control is appropriate.  Do I have the wisdom to know the difference between the things I can change and those I can’t?  There’s a prayer for that!

The hard work – courage.

How many times has self-labeling kept me stuck?  Or allowed me to take a pass?  In conversations with my “pessimistic” friends I claim to see the “glass as half-full” – or that I “wear rose-colored glasses.”  Does my preference for being an optimist keep me from participating in the “real world?”  Then, when the “real world” shows up is that why I’m gob-smacked?

Being willing to do the hard work means I’m willing to challenge my perceptions; perceptions of my personal beliefs, my circumstances; the society in which I live.  Some perceptions provide armor in a tough world; some provide excuses – or explanations.  Some are authentic.  If I never look, I’ll never know.  If I never know, can I truly be happy?

 

Recently my Flipboard Newsfeed brought the Feb 2016, Time Magazine article Doing These 4 Things Will Make You Happier, According to Neuroscience by Eric Barker.  Neuroscience and brain research fascinate me – people who make is accessible to non-experts are remarkable.

What a great piece – who wouldn’t want to know simple, scientifically proven steps to happiness?  I shared it widely among my friends.  For those who aren’t brain research aficionados; I share Barker’s cliff notes:

“Here’s what brain research says will make you happy:

  • Ask, “What am I grateful for?” No answers? Doesn’t matter. Just searching helps.
  • Label those negative emotions. Give it a name, and your brain isn’t so bothered by it.
  • Go for “good enough” instead of “best decision ever made on Earth.”
  • Hugs, hugs, hugs. Don’t text — touch.”

Opening myself to the real world, having an attitude of gratitude – labeling those pesky negative emotions help me participate and contribute.  Releasing my perfectionist ways and simply taking action reduces the rationalized paralysis.  The best – Hugs!!  Being heart-to-heart with those closest to me, vulnerable and accessible, bring the biggest rewards.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

“If most of us remain ignorant of ourselves, it is because self-knowledge is painful and we prefer the pleasures of illusion.” ― Aldous Huxley

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This My Shit

My yoga teacher shared her experience attending a new (to her) class.  The unfamiliar instructor opened by sharing a vulnerability – then labeled it her “s.h.i.t.”  Throughout the session she invited everyone to observe if their practice was bringing up their own “bleep.”

My teacher was struck by her resistance to this perspective.  Why label a vulnerability as our bleep?  Certainly we have “sticky spots” – limitations.  Being vulnerable isn’t necessarily bad – isn’t bleep.  It just is.  We were encouraged throughout class to simply be with our vulnerability – see it; rest with it on the mat.  Let it be; hold it – allow it to teach us.

All the stories we tell about ourselves are what Pema Chodron calls a “fixed identity” in her book Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change.  We hold onto this identity as a safety net.  It allows us to accept how uncomfortable it is not knowing what’s around the corner in our lives.  We cling to what we know “for sure” – even when we don’t know jack.  Pema says this identity is:

“— a fixed view we have of ourselves as good or bad, worthy or unworthy, this or that.  With a fixed identity, we have to busy ourselves with tying to rearrange reality, because reality doesn’t always conform to our view.” 

We label ourselves – meeting the world armed with stories and identities.  Pema says:

“In Buddhism we call the notion of a fixed identity ‘ego clinging.’  It’s how we try to put solid ground under our feet in an ever-shifting world.  Meditation practice starts to erode that fixed identity.”

Meditation – sitting with my vulnerability on the yoga mat; allowing this discomfort; physical, mental, emotional, be my teacher.

“The purpose of the spiritual path is to unmask, to take off our armor.  When that happens, it feels like a crisis because it is a crisis—a fixed identity crisis.  The Buddha taught that the fixed identity is the cause of our suffering.”

Being in crisis is unsettling.  No wonder we cling to who we think we are – repeating those stories, cementing old habits.  Pema said that according to the brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor:  “the physiological mechanism behind emotion … lasts about ninety seconds from the moment it’s triggered until it runs its course.”  If we let it run longer it’s because we choose to keep up the dialog.  To stop that chatter Pema suggests we:

     “Acknowledge the feeling, give it your full, compassionate, even welcoming attention, and even if it’s only for a few seconds, drop the story line about the feeling.  This allows you to have a direct experience of it, free of interpretation.  Don’t fuel it with concepts or opinions about whether it’s good or bad.  Just be present with the sensation.  Where is it located in your body?  Does it remain the same for very long?  Does it shift and change?”

Pema and my yoga teacher tell me to let these feelings be guides; my “gateway to liberation.”  Easier said than done.  But when I try . . . I do feel better.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

“Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how.  The moment you know how, you begin to die a little.  The artist never entirely knows.  We guess.  We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark.” – Agnes de Mille