Meditation & Yoga practice started today with our teacher sharing her lessons on “having to be right” that sometimes shows up as the “need to be understood.” Both can interfere with the acceptance of what is. This set the stage for our intention to live in the moment – breathing and doing yoga.
Letting go . . . accepting what is; not my strong suit.
Thirty years ago I started applying techniques not exactly consistent with acceptance. The philosophies behind these techniques, they’re everywhere.
- If you want to accomplish something – write it down. Yes; put those goals on paper. Being a Psych and Self Help aficionado – this advice is ubiquitous.
- Visualize the result – it will materialize. Every New Age enthusiast and reader of The Secret knows this!
- The power of positive thinking – thank you Norman Vincent Peale.
- Think it – say it – do it . . . or as my bestie says: thought – word – deed
The power of these concepts rests in the strength of our belief. Some of it is just how our brain works. Negative people see crappy shit. Positive people see the good around them. Our brains focus on what we look for, filtering out everything else. Takes a nice knock on the head to thump us out of our rut.
After thirty years of writing down my “wants” – creating vision boards, scrap books, life goal lists – how do I turn that off? Should I? What is real and when do I follow my bliss? Can I know when I’ve crossed the line to “magical thinking?”
I’m not opposed to holding contradictory beliefs – we all do to some extent. A juicy paradox can be so appealing. It can also make me crazy.
Letting go . . . of things, people and situations. Not easy, but possibly a key to happiness. Marie Kondo, in her “Tidying Up” book says I should release anything that doesn’t bring me joy. Let me live without a bunch of “stuff” that I don’t even use; let toxic people exit my universe; leave a bad … whatever; could mean peace – and yes, joy!
So why do we hold onto every damn thing? According to Daniel Kahneman in his book Thinking, Fast and Slow, we all have a serious aversion to loss. We “attach values to gains and losses rather than to wealth.” We’ve grown up with the proverb “a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush” – so we see the risk as too much.
Well, Thoreau did say that “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” Could be they’d rather live with the devil they know. Ouch. Let me give risk a try.
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“Accept – then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life.” ― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now
Speaking up, dissenting; taking a stand – not my ambition as a youngster. My objective then, like many girls of my generation was to be liked, to fit in; be popular. Regrettably for that youthful goal, my edges were a bit too frayed and my opinions decidedly peculiar – finding me channeling the rebel; mouthy and belligerent.
My feminist inclinations clashed with the world I was born to. I chafed at the roles available to me; finding them limited and restricting. But to fit in – I shoved my square self into those round holes; carving off bits and pieces of myself. Still, my 24 YO self was compelled to whack a guy over the head with a menu when he challenged my opinion that the Equal Rights Amendment should have passed. His argument? I couldn’t quote the damn thing.
It’s curious how often I do what I think I SHOULD do – what I was brought up to do. I was taught to behave in prescribed ways, believe culturally acceptable ideas and fear the consequences of misbehavior – of being ostracized. It’s my obligation, my duty; to behave correctly – according to my people, my culture.
As a corporate wonk, I took a psych test to find out what traits might derail my career. One of my derailers was mischievousness. HA! Knowing this delighted me – and strangely enough I exploited it. Maybe that didn’t do me many favors – but I felt liberated; maybe like Veronika. Being a nonconformist in a buttoned up world boosted my desire to retire early; loosened those golden handcuffs.
It was an eye-opener having a pessimistic, dystopian, fear laden counter-view shoved in my face. Ignoring the bad maybe wasn’t my best strategy. Getting gob-smacked is a bitch. Being asleep at the wheel, trusting that things will “work out” – landed me flat on my ass.