As I walked into the living room from an extended and very intense workout – my husband said “you’ve been at it a long time today” … my response: “yeah; helps me not want to pinch people’s heads off!”
Strong emotions … and the many ways to deal with them. With everything going on this week I employed more than one. Upping my endorphins with serious cardio absolutely morphed my mood. As did attending my favorite Gentle Yoga & Meditation class . . . and my extreme hip-hop dance class.
Reaching out to my mates, my community for support also provided relief to my fury. Exercise, deep breathing & meditation; community, all help level my emotions when I’m disturbed.
Several years ago while studying the works of Pema Chodron, I was introduced to a different way to cope with intense feelings; the practices of the Warrior Bodhisattva and applying tonglen (May 31, 2015 Blog Post). Wikipedia says that with tonglen:
“… one visualizes taking in the suffering of oneself and of others on the in-breath, and on the out-breath giving recognition, compassion, and succor to all sentient beings. As such it is a training in altruism.”
When I read this back in 2015, the whole concept was overwhelming. Starting small and with time I’ve allowed myself to be curious about what drives my strongest emotions. In her teaching on The Wisdom of No Escape, Pema says:
“When the flag goes up, we have an opportunity: we can stay with our painful emotion instead of spinning out. Staying is how we get the hang of gently catching ourselves when we’re about to let resentment harden into blame, righteousness, or alienation.”
Coming to know myself, accepting all my good, bad and ugly – embracing it, sitting with it; loving it . . . remains a work in progress.
“Sticking with uncertainty is how we learn to relax in the midst of chaos, how we learn to be cool when the ground beneath us suddenly disappears. We can bring ourselves back to the spiritual path countless times every day simply by exercising our willingness to rest in the uncertainly of the present moment—over and over again.”
Yes – Relaxing “..in the midst of chaos..” Learning “to be cool when the ground beneath us suddenly disappears.” . . . This is an intention I can embrace; a practice worth cultivating.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
From her book Comfortable with Uncertainty; Pema Chodron’s #4 of “108 Teachings on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion”
The Wisdom of No Escape
The central question of a warrior’s training is not how we avoid uncertainty and fear but how we relate to discomfort. How do we practice with difficulty, with our emotions, with the unpredictable encounters of an ordinary day? For those of us with a hunger to know the truth, painful emotions are like flags going up to say, “You’re stuck!” We regard disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, jealousy, and fear as moments that show us where we’re holding back, how we’re shutting down. Such uncomfortable feelings are messages that tell us to perk up and lean into a situation when we’d rather cave in and back away.
When the flag goes up, we have an opportunity: we can stay with our painful emotion instead of spinning out. Staying is how we get the hang of gently catching ourselves when we’re about to let resentment harden into blame, righteousness, or alienation. It’s also how we keep from smoothing things over by talking ourselves into a sense of relief or inspiration. This is easier said than done.
Ordinarily we are swept away by habitual momentum. We don’t interrupt our patterns even slightly. With practice, however, we learn to stay with a broken heart, with a nameless fear, with the desire for revenge. Sticking with uncertainty is how we learn to relax in the midst of chaos, how we learn to be cool when the ground beneath us suddenly disappears. We can bring ourselves back to the spiritual path countless times every day simply by exercising our willingness to rest in the uncertainly of the present moment—over and over again.
But I do have a sphere of influence; its size is irrelevant. This must be where I start; with my family, my friends, my neighborhood. It’s not hard to see how an act of kindness makes someone’s day. Or the value of speaking up when bullied, despite a hammering heart. Who knows the ripple these acts might have. What I say; my actions – are my responsibility. Let me be accountable.
These are the people who’ve walked in my shoes and know what’s possible. They show me how drama, vanity and discontent are often “festering sores” – no matter how close I hold them. Possibly . . . Probably, taking off the armor and letting in the sun “wouldn’t hurt a bit.”