Living The Emerson Rule

March 10, 2017December 30, 2022

Shoulda Coulda Woulda

It’s curious how often I do what I think I SHOULD do – what I was brought up to do. I was taught to behave in prescribed ways, believe culturally acceptable ideas and fear the consequences of misbehavior – of being ostracized. It’s my obligation, my duty; to behave correctly – according to my people, my culture.

Life is better when I’m with my tribe – I am … we are, social animals.

But when can I know that going along to get along is to my detriment? What if my experience is different? There are still consequences; denial of self or nonconformity. What I can live with?

What if I didn’t fear the consequences? Felt I had nothing to lose? Would I choose differently?

My husband and I watched the movie “Veronika Decides to Die” based on the book by Paulo Coeloho. Veronika, beautiful and young – appears to have everything; yet finds life isn’t worth living. After an unsuccessful suicide attempt she wakes up in a mental hospital. She learns that her actions ruined her heart and only has days to live. She also learns that crazy people don’t have to be “normal.” These lessons liberate her and change her attitude, her way of seeing the world. She now has reason to live.

As a corporate wonk, I took a psych test to find out what traits might derail my career. One of my derailers was mischievousness. HA! Knowing this delighted me – and strangely enough I exploited it. Maybe that didn’t do me many favors – but I felt liberated; maybe like Veronika. Being a nonconformist in a buttoned up world boosted my desire to retire early; loosened those golden handcuffs.

Yes there are consequences for every choice, every decision. Each choice is personal, unique; a privilege and a responsibility.

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“I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.” ― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

March 3, 2017December 30, 2022

Incremental Daily Progress – Drip, Drip, Drip

“… incremental daily progress (negative or positive) is what actually causes transformation. A figurative drip, drip, drip. Showing up, every single day, gaining in strength, organizing for the long haul, building connection, laying track—this subtle but difficult work is how culture changes.” – Seth Godin

Today’s blog post by Seth Godin reveals the key to making change. It’s not flashy, sexy and provocative … no, it’s ordinary, unadorned tenacity. The kind of resolve sustained by passion. A want so deep and strong it pulls me through the misery of tedium. Thru the monotonous research, analysis, writing, corroboration; re-writing. The dull study, practice, training and tweaking before more rehearsal. If it’s worth having it’s worth the trudge.

Four years ago I read the book, Younger Next Year by Chris Crowley & Henry S. Lodge, M.D. They told me that if I want to be vital and energetic; to maintain the get-up-and-go that gets more elusive each year – I need to stay active (“Exercise six days a week for the rest of your life”). Oh; and I need to eat right (“Quit eating crap!”). Two of my favorite things! HA! Gotta REALLY want health to make that effort.

The same goes for my education, my writing, my activism. In his book The Dip, Seth Godin says, “The Dip is the secret to your success. The people who set out to make it through the Dip—the people who invest the time and the energy and the effort to power through the dip—those are the ones who become the best in the world.”

“The Dip is the long slog between starting and mastery.”

“IMPORTANT NOTE: Successful people don’t just ride out the Dip. They don’t just buckle down and survive it. No, they lean into the Dip. They push harder, changing the rules as they go.”

Not everything is “dip worthy.” I must ask myself: am I settling for being “average”? Am I making a difference in this rat race? Am I living in a “cul-de-sac” AKA “dead end”? Is my job a cul-de-sac? What are the time wasters showing up in my life (Facebook, TV, solitaire)?

Seth encourages me to “find a Dip to conquer” – to quit the idling cul-de-sacs, quit the stuff I don’t care about; stop doing what I know I’ll only ever be mediocre at.

Life is the little things; and the “drip, drip, drip” of the Dip.

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“Water is fluid, soft & yielding but water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield … what is soft is strong.” ― Lao Tzu

February 17, 2017December 30, 2022

T-Shirt Philosophy

Went on a t-shirt buying binge over the holidays. Good distraction for what ailed me – plus I got to get my Philosophy geek on. When my clan of enquiring minds said “huh?” – I realized I needed elevator cliff notes on what the T’s meant. Of course one customer comment prophesized: “you realize no one will know what you’re talking about when you wear that.”

For future queries and my own recollection; my elevator notes:

Socrates – Corrupting the Youth, Since the 5^th Century B.C.E.

The man who said:

“An unexamined life is not worth living.”

“True knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing.”

“To find yourself, think for yourself.”

.. used questions as a method to expose people and issues; often making the distinguished look foolish. By shining a light on the ignorance around him, Socrates pissed off his enemies. They convicted him of “corrupting the youth” and condemned him to death. He wouldn’t run away even when he had the chance. Now that’s standing up for what you believe in!

Plato’s Cave – Search & Rescue Team: Bringing you to the light, since 380 BCE

My first Philosophy class was organized around Plato’s Parable of the Cave in The Republic. Made quite an impression.

When chained to a wall in a cave and nothing can be seen but shadows projected onto that wall – people will fabricate their reality. Knowing no better, they watch objects pass by the fire behind them, and give these shadows identity. Should a prisoner become free and escape the cave – eyes adjusting to the brightness, they see that the shadows weren’t real.

Most inmates though have no desire to leave their shadow world; the life they know. So beware, you who would rescue them, they may turn on you and call you the crazy one.

J.P. Sartre – Condemned To Be Free, Since 1946

“Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.”

Existential – Free will. Are we free agents responsible for choosing our own development through acts of will? Sartre says yes.

He says there is no choice but to choose; this is the human condition. We say we must take the next right step. What is the “next right step?” It’s the step we choose to take. Without justification; no excuses. We choose the things we choose – because we choose them. This is our great responsibility. Quit blaming others or circumstances for how our life turns out.

It’s easy to forget where my sense of knowing comes from – those curious instincts and intuitions. They come from years of discovery, learning and trying out my hypotheses. From the stuff I read and my trial and error experience when I practice what I preach. I remain forever grateful to my tribe of seekers – who relentlessly poke and prod me to remember.

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“There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers.” – William James

February 3, 2017December 30, 2022

Dystopia, Utopia – or Somewhere in Between?

“I believe in intuitions and inspirations…I sometimes FEEL that I am right. I do not KNOW that I am.” ― Albert Einstein

People . . . you who listen to the still voice inside – your intuition, your instinct; are you getting nudges that something’s afoot?

My practice for over 30 years includes paying attention to this quiet voice; watching for odd coincidences that propel me forward; serendipitous events. I’m inclined to look for the good, ignore the bad . . applying Goethe’s recommendation:

“If you treat a man as he is, he will remain as he is, if you treat him as he ought to be and could be, he will become as he ought to be and could be.”

Yes; I prefer an optimistic world-view; seeing the future with hope, excitement and adventure. My enthusiasm for living in the elbow of the curve, on the edge of change – believing the next age will be thrilling is expectant, not apprehensive.

It was an eye-opener having a pessimistic, dystopian, fear laden counter-view shoved in my face. Ignoring the bad maybe wasn’t my best strategy. Getting gob-smacked is a bitch. Being asleep at the wheel, trusting that things will “work out” – landed me flat on my ass.

How do I maintain my confidence in people and the world while I appreciate that others don’t? And in large numbers. The glass is half empty, half full and refillable. How do we find common ground when all sides are true?

Pessimists and self-avowed “realists” want me to get on board with them; want me to throw down my rose-colored glasses and swallow their wretched beliefs. And that makes me sick to my stomach.

Wake up call received though – must address the canker. When we remodeled our home, things had to get chaotic and dirty before there was a clean slate, let alone a sparkly new space.

Still . . . my gut tells me something’s stirring. Something big. I’m not alone in this sentiment.

With caution – and an eye for a better world, I’m listening and acting on what shows up. Maybe the boogeyman needed a spotlight. Maybe the crud needed to be put on display. Maybe we all need to walk through our fear.

When we light a lamp, where does the darkness go? Not away, but it’s tempered. Time to embrace the paradox.

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“The only thing to do is to be where you are at this moment, sometimes looking about in the full light of consciousness, other times standing comfortably in the deep shadows of mystery and the unknown.” ― Thomas Moore, Care of the Soul