How many times did I want to let go; but wouldn’t; couldn’t? Grasping a grievance, a person, or a habit slowly chips away at my peace.
When I’m honest I see grievance is about ego; especially the “you did me wrong” accusation. Maybe I’m the one who’s wrong. Even if I’m not, so what. If it’s egregious, goodbye – one way to let go. Holding onto something that eats me up – why? To be the big dog? To be right?
Reciprocal love and friendship are glorious. That one-way street is torture and clinging, just a need for control.
Habits are tricky. They’re buried under layers of societal and familial conditioning. We grow up thinking this is who I am – how things are supposed to be. No. Just because we think it’s so doesn’t make it true. It often takes a hard knock to make us willing to change a belief.
My thoughts, poor choices and willingness to simply fit in with the crowd interferes with my happiness. Realizing this is an aha moment. Having the courage to own it and change it – while difficult, ultimately is what relieves the pressure.
It boils down to how happy I want to be and how addicted I am to suffering.
“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”
Lao Tzu
Listening to the new song Attention, by Charlie Puth – I had a classic mis-heard lyric moment!
The idea planted by one of my yoga teachers that “being understood” may be a symptom of my having to be right.
“Not my circus . . . not my monkey”