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Letting go is hard – although it gets easier with practice.

Today it’s time to let go of my blog. Let go of why I created it in the first place. Time to release expectations for myself and others.

Ten years ago today I launched Living The Emerson Rule. It appeals to my sense of symmetry to say goodbye now.

My sentiment behind The Emerson Rule remains unchanged. Thank you for the time you spent here with me over the years. The journey continues elsewhere.

THE EMERSON RULE:
I said it – believed it – acted on it with passion . . . doesn’t mean it’s true today.

With new information comes new understanding. I’m free to redefine what I think and who I am. I accept the risk of being misunderstood.

Conceived while reflecting on this passage from Ralph Waldo Emerson’s essay Self-Reliance:

“The other terror that scares us from self-trust is our consistency; a reverence for our past act or word, because the eyes of others have no other data for computing our orbit than our past acts, and we are loath to disappoint them…

… A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall. Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day. — `Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood.’ — Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood.”

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Refresh, Rest, Refocus – And Love You

Taking time to refresh, rest and refocus energizes me. It allows me to unwind – to hold space for myself. Not an easy enterprise to carry out in a world that rewards go-go-go. Stepping off the treadmill can be unsettling. However, when I connect with the inner me, I open the door to kindness. I feel valued, safe and loved.

Being “gentle with myself” takes intention and persistence. Intention – given that it requires effort. Persistence because life is a journey not a destination.

In her article “Be Kind to Yourself,” Marianna Pogosyan, Ph.D., explores the concept of self-compassion. She introduces Kristin Neff, a “leading self-compassion researcher.” Dr. Neff “identified three main components of self-compassion: self-kindness, feelings of common humanity, and mindfulness.”

Dr. Kneff and her colleague, Chris Germer, co-founded “the Mindful Self-Compassion training program.” Germer suggests that by reflecting on particular questions, we can move beyond the “fight, flight, freeze” response. We can learn to truly be kind to ourselves. A lesson worth pursuing.

Sabbatical – Walkabout – Itchy Feet

Too often stress and the chaos of life snuffs out self-kindness. Taking time to rest and refocus is widely put off. However, there’s a time-honored tradition in academia that may should move mainstream. The Sabbatical.

A sabbatical is not a vacation. It’s not simply time off. It’s reaching for something distinctive.

The subject is covered by the Harvard Business Review; Research: The Transformative Power of Sabbaticals, by Kira Schabram, Matt Bloom, and DJ DiDonna. This article outlines “three different sabbatical types, each with a unique combination of experiences.” All provide “increasingly radical transformations in people’s work and life.”

  • Working Holidays – working on a passion project
  • Free Dives – wanderlust; abrupt adventure and a soul reset
  • Quests – a last resort because continuing on their current path was untenable

For me, it’s time for a working holiday. Reaching for something distinctive – and personal.

So, as Mick “Crocodile Dundee” would say, I’m off on walkabout.

Will this outing be a Michael Cawley? Don’t know. Will simply have to live my way into that future. Bye for now.

“Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” ― Marthe Troly-Curtin, Phrynette Married

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Accept the Sign of New Beginnings – Summer Solstice

Yesterday, Wednesday, June 21, was the summer solstice. It came on the heels of a new moon. Alongside the astrological season of my rising sign, Cancer. All markers for new beginnings.

But at my house it’s raining. And I’m kinda glum. Those intentions I set back in December for the winter solstice hit multiple snags. Which interrupts my momentum. Maybe this constellation is a sign; a reminder that every day is a new beginning.

What I find particularly interesting is how life is a series of ups and downs. As I encounter obstacles, the universe sends comfort and relief.

Last week I felt “all the feels” Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh expresses here:

Today my horoscope tells me my “whole self is reinvigorated – down to every vibrating cell.” Bwahahahahahaha … for real?

Bwahahahahahaha

I’m not inclined to ride a rollercoaster through life. Definitely prefer balance and serenity – and laughter. However, when I acknowledge both the ups and downs it gives my psyche the symmetry it seeks. To deny either blocks my equilibrium.

Yes, every day is a new beginning. Every day I get to choose. And today I choose to nurture and be gentle with myself.

“I used to dream about escaping my ordinary life, but my life was never ordinary. I had simply failed to notice how extraordinary it was. Likewise, I never imagined that home might be something I would miss.”

― Ransom Riggs, Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children
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Boundaries and Beliefs – Be Better

This year brought unexpected, but welcome personal insights. Around boundaries, or lack thereof. Around beliefs I’d bought hook, line and sinker – that were a total fabrication.

With each epiphany and moment of deep enlightenment, I imagine I’ve reached a pinnacle. Then life gifts me with reminders that I’m not done yet. This is a journey after all.

Learning that boundaries are important makes logical sense, and my schooling started nine years ago. Gaining a deeper appreciation for their value took a minute. In February, the seeds planted in 2014 sprouted. Now it’s time to nurture and cultivate their growth. And adjust to the changes new behaviors brought.

Recent willingness to walk through difficult topics and triggering subjects, highlighted a belief I held about myself that was just plain wrong. A random personality test taken early in my corporate career labeled me low on the empathy scale. Yes, I’d just read Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged. Absolutely, I’m a Type-A overachiever and know the 80/20 rule very well. And sad to say, this classification sanctions conduct rewarded in a patriarchal office environment. But no. It wasn’t true.

Reading the book Emotional Labor, by Rose Hackman struck several nerves. The invisible, under-appreciated work done by women and the marginalized in society, the workplace, and at home is a lifelong frustration of mine. I stood up to “the man” where I could, boosting myself and others. But the entrenched misogyny and my own lack of boundaries kept my internal chaos up and results modest.

Rose Hackman points out that we have much to do to raise awareness of what’s entrenched in our society and our psyches. Her chapter on empathy lit me up. The lightbulb clicked. I’m decidedly empathetic; in every definition of the word. And I see how embracing that old fiction shaped my outlook and interactions. How it sustained my anxiety.

Learning to hold boundaries while embracing compassion for others is possible and improves my life.

As I integrate these lessons and throw out that false narrative – the Universe generously reminds me to be gentle with myself. That youngster didn’t know any better and deserves her share of my empathy.

“Learning is finding out what you already know. Doing is demonstrating that you know it. Teaching is reminding others that they know just as well as you. You are all learners, doers, teachers.”

― Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah
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Will the Real “Me” Please Stand Up – Truth or Consequences

“The summit of happiness is reached when a person is ready to be what he is.” ― Desiderius Erasmus

So true! But not easy. Can I know when I’m being who I really am? Maybe I’m performing a role that society and culture handed me when I was born. Perhaps trauma activated habitual behaviors and beliefs that I now call truth and reality.

I relish following the Greek aphorism “know-thyself.” Being a searcher and a learner. This inclination is likely a part of who I am. But so are the bits thrust upon me at birth. As are the coping mechanisms in my toolbox; both good and bad. This is my lifetime to untangle the bits, take what I value and discard the rest.

My therapist reminds me not to “throw out the baby with the bathwater” HA!

This determination is highly subjective. So, I keep untangling the bits, evaluating my toolbox. What IS of value to me? What stays and what goes? Can I do this? Do I want to?

Being on the precipice of change is scary. And far too easy to fall back into the comfort I know. Even when it’s no comfort at all.

I want to be ready. I want to know who I am. Reaching “the summit of happiness” sounds awesome.

Today – I’m ready to be ready to be ready. For now, that’s enough.