Thank you, Viola Davis for this Jenifer Lewis short:
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/NssMUUDZs_4
As Ms. Davis says in her Instagram post . . . these powerful words are a gift. An inspiring, motivating gift. For me it’s her call to be happy now that most registers.
“You gotta be happy on your way to happy; don’t think you’re going to get there and be happy; you carry yourself with you.”
Everything has its season. Yes. This is life after all.
Choosing how I think and perceive the world is a habit. When I encourage happy thoughts, the joy in life unique and distinctive to me grows. Like a muscle it gets stronger with use.
Today, let me wake up and find delight, enjoyment and pleasure; and choose to meet myself.
“If you’ve got nothing to dance about, find a reason to sing.”
Saturday, I hiked in the North Georgia Mountains; on a beautiful day visiting a favorite cascading waterfall.
The trail is quite strenuous. And after Hurricane Zeta took out two bridges, it’s wicked. While the park re-opened after two years, repairs are still underway. Greetings dubious creek crossings and embankment climbing.
It was glorious.
That evening and next day I felt it. My body was having a conversation with me.
When people remind me to: “listen to your body” – I’m there! Yeah baby! No brainer. But do I? Do I really listen?
I “hear” my body – but maybe I only hear what I want to. Perhaps I don’t “listen” hard.
In Psychology Today, Kristen Fuller, M.D. explains the difference between simply hearing and actually listening (July 8, 2021):
“Listening is an active process, whereas hearing is a passive process
Listening requires paying attention, whereas hearing requires no concentration or attention skills
Listening requires empathy, curiosity, and motivation, whereas hearing is associated with being disconnected”
Actively pay attention, be compassionate and heed my aches and pains. This week I attend to rest, relaxation and restorative yoga. Taking a time out is me being generous and gentle to me.
“Resting and relaxing is as important as going out there and making it happen.” ― Hiral Nagda
As Steve Winwood says – “Hang in and do that sweet thing you do.”
“The mental flexibility of the wise man permits him to keep an open mind and enables him to readjust himself whenever it becomes necessary for a change.”
Italian writer Dante Alighieri’s Inferno awards the ninth and grimmest circle of hell for those guilty of treachery. A place “reserved for traitors, betrayers and oathbreakers.”
This punishment may feel appropriate when the offender is someone else. But beware throwing stones in a glass house. Who is without an ounce of deceit? Or possess baggage with no broken promises or vows? And what about the pledges I make to myself? Do they count as betrayal?
In her book The Way of Integrity, Martha Beck offers a framework to achieve a life of personal integrity. Tapping into Dante’s passage undertaken in the Divine Comedy, she invites us on a journey to discover our true self. Then she encourages us to live that life.
Simple – but not easy; right up my ally. There’s always something new to learn.
As I progressed, completing each exercise, applying the techniques to get to my truth, I had several “AHA” moments.
The ONE PRACTICE Martha recommends to end suffering and be happy, is – STOP LYING. But be responsible, especially if life dynamics are dangerous.
“Don’t go public immediately. Just notice for yourself, where, why, and to whom you lie. . . But stop lying to yourself.”
“Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others.” ― Fyodor Dostoevsky
Martha presents three kinds of lies to consider:
Black lies: Deliberate, premeditated deception
White lies: The social contract leads to social fibs
Gray Lies: The fudge factor . . . that “preserves our concept of ourselves”
Black lies are the most obvious, egregious and isolating. White lies may seem harmless but could hide some unconscious self-deception. The Gray lies are found in the stories I tell myself when I’m hiding and may be the source of denial or projection. And watch for moments when silence feels like a lie.
“When truth is replaced by silence, the silence is a lie.”
― Yevgeny Yevtushenko
There are consequences when we change our behavior and Martha cautions:
“Here’s the rub: if you stop lying, you’ll eventually, inevitably violate the rules of a culture that matters to you.”
Walk gently into this new frame of reference. Allow myself to mourn the release of that inauthentic self. Be prepared for push back. But take that first and hardest step and stop lying to myself. Experience the freedom to live an uncommon paradigm.
Maria Scrivan
I stand on the precipice of paradise, having traveled two-thirds through the Comedy with Martha. She titles this chapter “Into the Mystery.” Anticipation, delight and curiosity are before me.
“The truly scary thing about undiscovered lies is that they have a greater capacity to diminish us than exposed ones. They erode our strength, our self-esteem, our very foundation.”
“Women may be the one group that grows more radical with age.” ― Gloria Steinem
As I mature, this line by Gloria Steinem resonates exponentially. On its own it could be an anthem of power, an invitation of liberation. However, she originally said it because she saw women lose power as they aged. Maybe the discomfort prompted by chronic bias changes one’s perspective – makes it easier to get pissed.
Young women may be more buoyant. The patriarchy still values their youth and sex appeal – and as workers, wives and for childbearing. Not all, but quite a few lassies:
“… haven’t yet experienced the life events that are most radicalizing for women: entering the paid-labor force and discovering how women are treated there; marrying and finding out that it is not yet an equal partnership; having children and discovering who raises them and who does not; and aging, still a far greater penalty for women than for men.”
Yet, it’s heartening to hear Gloria Steinem’s observation that women today are more aware and perceptive far earlier than previous generations. They’re taking up the mantle to transform the imbalance.
Navigating the perpetual disparity of our sex and aging can be overwhelming, and move some of us to join Twisted Sister’s call to arms:
“There is a time in our lives, usually in mid-life, when a woman has to make a decision – possibly the most important psychic decision of her future life – and that is, whether to be bitter or not. Women often come to this in their late thirties or early forties. They are at the point where they are full up to their ears with everything and they’ve “had it” and “the last straw has broken the camel’s back” and they’re “pissed off and pooped out.” Their dreams of their twenties may be lying in a crumple. There may be broken hearts, broken marriages, broken promises.”
Being persistently outraged is miserable, especially when there’s so much sweet life to savor. How do I align with this cheeky paradox? A friend of mine calls herself a happy warrior. Call me envious!
Maintaining my equilibrium when hit with a wave of outrage is a work in progress. Still, I’m confident my contributions make a difference. When I left Corporate it didn’t resemble what I inherited – in a good way. I’m grateful for those willing to take the baton. The new generations have the power to take it from here.
It’s possible to appreciate my feminist roots, represent, and remain joyful.
“One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it.” ― Clarissa Pinkola Estés
