Category: Spirit – Soul, Courage

There are days I’m overwhelmed with the “have to” fix myself scream – because the outside reflection of my insides is messed UP.  Then there are days I’m so excited by life I feel like a living, physical squeal.

Projection – I am he; he is me.  Wikipedia says “psychological projection is a theory in which humans defend themselves against unpleasant impulses by denying their existence in themselves, while attributing them to others.  For example, a person who is rude may constantly accuse other people of being rude.”

In The Shadow Effect Debbie Ford says “If we can embrace the qualities that disturb us in others, we will no longer be upset by them.  We might notice them, but they won’t affect us.”   She refers to the distinction made by philosopher, psychologist Ken Wilbur, that “if a person or thing in the environment informs us, if we receive what is happening as information or a point of interest, we probably aren’t projecting.  If it affects us, if we’re pointing our finger in judgment, if we’re plugged in, chances are we are a victim of our own projections.”

Ford also says, “Until we take back all the parts of ourselves we have projected away, whatever we refuse to accept will keep showing up in our life, either in our own behavior or in the behavior of someone close to us.”

Mighty fine motivation to own up.  Co-author Marianne Williamson tells us “the point is not to deny the shadow .. for darkness is only dispersed when it is brought to light.”   The way out the grip of projection is by embracing the shadow through “prayer, atonement, forgiveness, and love.”

Pray that the defect be lifted, own and atone my part of the story – accept responsibility; “ask God to change your heart.”  Then forgive – forgive myself and others.  Marianne Williamson reminds us:

“We heal when we feel forgiven. We heal in the presence of compassion.  If you really want someone to change, the miracle lies in your ability to see how perfect they already are.”

“The shadow does not leave when it is attacked; it heals when it is forgiven. We do not take off our shadowy mask in the presence of someone who blames us, but rather in the presence of someone who says through words or behavior, ‘I know this is not who you are.’”

“Our thoughts and attitudes need persistent training in a world so intent on convincing us that we are who we are not and that we are not who, in fact, we are.  The thinking of love is completely opposite the thinking that dominates this world; that is why we must be constantly reminded of the light.” 

The need to greet every day with a positive intent, rid myself of secrets; open my eyes and own my defects – can be overwhelming.  It’s easy to say the problem is with the other guy.  But that doesn’t solve anything.  Own up – surround myself with support and love and possibility.  And start with the (wo)man in the mirror!

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“We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are”. – Max DePree

“You need your enemies to be who you are.”  – Deepak Chopra

In The Shadow Effect Deepak Chopra, Debbie Ford and Marianne Williamson share their experience about “the shadow” – our unconscious selves that Carl Jung said our conscious ego rejects.  This hidden self is instinctive and irrational – and prone to projection.  Choosing to become aware of this part of me; a part I’d just as soon not see, could create a better world; reflect a better reality.

Deepak Chopra tells us that “in order to have manifestation you need opposing energies.”  We see the world in contrasts; dark and light, up–down; pleasure and pain.  I know when I’m happy because I’ve been sad.  Debbie Ford says; “the hero of any story could not exist if it were not for the villains that challenge the hero along the way.”

Hmmm … I need my enemies!  For real?  How about all those things that annoy and frustrate me?  Do I need them too?   Debbie Ford uses a beach ball analogy describing how we stuff our darker emotions:

“Imagine that every quality, every emotion, every dark thought that you try to ignore, hide, or disown is like a beach ball you are holding underwater.  You take your selfish self, you take your angry self, your too-good self, your not-good-enough self, your foolish self, your conceited self, all the selves.  And suddenly you’re overwhelmed with all these beach balls you’re trying to manage.  When you’re young, you can suppress a lot of your unwanted qualities.  But then when you’re tired, heartbroken, or sick; when you no longer believe in the possibility of an exciting future; when your defenses are down; when your attention is on your family or some big promotion you’re going to win; when you’ve had one too many drinks—all of a sudden, boom!  You or someone around you does something without thinking and one or more of your submerged beach balls pops up and hits you in the face.  This is the Shadow Effect.”

Oh yeah, been there!  Deepak Chopra and Debbie Ford both reveal the consequences of ignoring the shadow; pretty grisly stuff.  My choice: consciously Wake-up and embrace my shadow – or meet it in a brilliant blaze of fire.

Do I really want to make this unwanted nastiness my friend?  Debbie Ford tells me that “embracing our inner beast is the ticket to freedom.”  Okay then, I will embrace that part of me – stop projecting and deal with the villains.  Thinking it will be easier said than done.  Best get crackin’.

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“Take a moment to wonder about the uniqueness of the mistakes you are about to make…your recklessness is nothing but the expression of a cosmic urge to challenge the general tendency of things to ebb toward a lukewarm and boring equilibrium.” ― Veronique Vienne, The Art of Imperfection

There’s a lot to be said for the law of attraction when it comes to asking for advice.  If I want what you have – I might be willing to do what you did – to get what you got.

What if the advice I get is smart, logical, makes total sense, but feels wrong for me?  Sometimes advice rankles.  It’s not wrong – but it’s not exactly right either.  Getting advice from a place of love and support broadens my perspective; shines a light on the rocks in the road that my rose-colored glasses skim.  If I’m going to dive off a cliff, let my eyes be wide open.

Could smart, logical advice feel wrong because what I truly want is risky, crazy, shocking; completely off the beaten path?  When do I listen and embrace your advice?  When do I listen then ignore it?

The outrageous, weird and unconventional appeal to me; I feel checked by the straight and narrow.  This isn’t obvious from my behavior the past 10-15 years.  What am I doing different? Am I holding back?  Do I have more to lose?  Am I getting cautious, conservative; conformist?  What constrains me; constrains my dreams?

Do I have the courage to ignore good, solid, loving advice?  If I do, am I willing to face the consequences?

Take me back to a favorite anthem – “Don’t Rain On My Parade” from Funny Girl.

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I know what it feels like to fall on my ass.  It hurts – there are consequences to the choices I make.  But my worst fear (me = toothless bag lady) – not likely.  So Bring It.  Bring me the amplitude of 11, on the scale of 1-10!

Mermaid Parade (Coney Island – 2012)

   

    

“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.  Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.”   ―   Henry David Thoreau