From Paulo Coelho – Warrior of the Light (p103)
“Jesus said: “Let your yea be yea; and your nay, nay.” When the Warrior takes on a commitment, he keeps his word.
Those who make promises they do not keep lose their self-respect and feel ashamed of their actions. These people spend their lives in constant flight; they expend far more energy on coming up with a series of excuses to take back what they said than the Warrior of the Light does in honoring his commitments.
Sometimes he too takes on a foolish commitment which will in some way harm him. He does not repeat this mistake, but he nevertheless keeps his word and pays the price for his own impulsiveness.”
I said I’d do it; so now I carry on.
When there’s no physical danger, no emotional threat; and the pledge remains intact . . . this is my best choice. How many times do we “take on a foolish commitment” – only to regret it moments, a week, a month – years later? I grew up in a throw-away society . . . where commitments seem easy to discard. The damage this does to our psyche may be more than we realize. Maybe repeating mistakes is connected somehow to our honor and our commitments.
“No” – a perfectly acceptable; sometimes preferable response.
“The river adapts itself to whatever route proves possible…” ― Paulo Coelho
Speaking up, dissenting; taking a stand – not my ambition as a youngster. My objective then, like many girls of my generation was to be liked, to fit in; be popular. Regrettably for that youthful goal, my edges were a bit too frayed and my opinions decidedly peculiar – finding me channeling the rebel; mouthy and belligerent.
My feminist inclinations clashed with the world I was born to. I chafed at the roles available to me; finding them limited and restricting. But to fit in – I shoved my square self into those round holes; carving off bits and pieces of myself. Still, my 24 YO self was compelled to whack a guy over the head with a menu when he challenged my opinion that the Equal Rights Amendment should have passed. His argument? I couldn’t quote the damn thing.
The last time I read The Clan of the Cave Bear by Jean Auel, mom was diagnosed with brain cancer – then two months later a workplace reorganization relieved me of my management responsibilities. First my heart was broken, then my ego crushed. A definite low point.
A melancholy infected me recently. Not the familiar personal struggle to overcome in private – but a more existential communal misery. I’m reaching for familiar tools – strong friendships, long talks; helping others, caring for animals; exercise and involvement.
It’s curious how often I do what I think I SHOULD do – what I was brought up to do. I was taught to behave in prescribed ways, believe culturally acceptable ideas and fear the consequences of misbehavior – of being ostracized. It’s my obligation, my duty; to behave correctly – according to my people, my culture.
As a corporate wonk, I took a psych test to find out what traits might derail my career. One of my derailers was mischievousness. HA! Knowing this delighted me – and strangely enough I exploited it. Maybe that didn’t do me many favors – but I felt liberated; maybe like Veronika. Being a nonconformist in a buttoned up world boosted my desire to retire early; loosened those golden handcuffs.
