Italian writer Dante Alighieri’s Inferno awards the ninth and grimmest circle of hell for those guilty of treachery. A place “reserved for traitors, betrayers and oathbreakers.”
This punishment may feel appropriate when the offender is someone else. But beware throwing stones in a glass house. Who is without an ounce of deceit? Or possess baggage with no broken promises or vows? And what about the pledges I make to myself? Do they count as betrayal?
In her book The Way of Integrity, Martha Beck offers a framework to achieve a life of personal integrity. Tapping into Dante’s passage undertaken in the Divine Comedy, she invites us on a journey to discover our true self. Then she encourages us to live that life.
Simple – but not easy; right up my ally. There’s always something new to learn.
As I progressed, completing each exercise, applying the techniques to get to my truth, I had several “AHA” moments.
The ONE PRACTICE Martha recommends to end suffering and be happy, is – STOP LYING. But be responsible, especially if life dynamics are dangerous.
“Don’t go public immediately. Just notice for yourself, where, why, and to whom you lie. . . But stop lying to yourself.”
“Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others.” ― Fyodor Dostoevsky
Martha presents three kinds of lies to consider:
- Black lies: Deliberate, premeditated deception
- White lies: The social contract leads to social fibs
- Gray Lies: The fudge factor . . . that “preserves our concept of ourselves”
Black lies are the most obvious, egregious and isolating. White lies may seem harmless but could hide some unconscious self-deception. The Gray lies are found in the stories I tell myself when I’m hiding and may be the source of denial or projection. And watch for moments when silence feels like a lie.
“When truth is replaced by silence, the silence is a lie.”
― Yevgeny Yevtushenko
There are consequences when we change our behavior and Martha cautions:
“Here’s the rub: if you stop lying, you’ll eventually, inevitably violate the rules of a culture that matters to you.”
Walk gently into this new frame of reference. Allow myself to mourn the release of that inauthentic self. Be prepared for push back. But take that first and hardest step and stop lying to myself. Experience the freedom to live an uncommon paradigm.
I stand on the precipice of paradise, having traveled two-thirds through the Comedy with Martha. She titles this chapter “Into the Mystery.” Anticipation, delight and curiosity are before me.
“The truly scary thing about undiscovered lies is that they have a greater capacity to diminish us than exposed ones. They erode our strength, our self-esteem, our very foundation.”
― Cheryl Hughes
