Living The Emerson Rule

March 6, 2016December 30, 2022

Time to Wonder Woman Up!

There are many obvious ways that people try and make us feel small. The more obvious the insult, the less likely I’ll believe it. It’s those sneaky, sideways slights and cheeky comments from people I know and like that trip me up.

My new mantra: “Don’t Take Things Personally,” lifts me above the crappy wave, but it’s still a crappy wave and easy to get sucked under.

In her book Presence; Bringing your BOLDEST SELF to your BIGGEST CHALLENGES, Amy Cuddy tells me to believe and own my story.

“Presence stems from believing in and trusting yourself – your real, honest feelings, values, and abilities.”

Yes! When I trust myself those snarky comments don’t take root.

She also suggests that we “can pose our way to presence … The way we carry ourselves from moment to moment blazes the trail our lives take.”

“Your body shapes your mind. Your mind shapes your behavior. And your behavior shapes your future. Let your body tell you that you’re powerful and deserving, and you become more present, enthusiastic, and authentically yourself.”

Do I choose “Powerful” – or “Powerless” poses? Which of these poses from her book strike a chord? Yikes – I see myself, ouch.

Power Poses

“The way you carry yourself is a source of personal power – the kind of power that is the key to presence. It’s the key that allows you to unlock yourself – your abilities, your creativity, your courage, and even your generosity. It doesn’t give you skills or talents you don’t have; it helps you share the ones you do have. It doesn’t make you smarter or better informed; it makes you more resilient and open. It doesn’t change who you are; it allows you to be who you are.”

Cuddy suggests we identify the best parts of ourselves – and believe them. Start by answering to a few questions posed by organizational behaviorists:

“What three words best describe you as an individual?
What is unique about you that leads to your happiest times and best performance?
Reflect on a specific time – at work or at home – when you were acting in a way that felt “natural” and “right.” How can you repeat that behavior today?
What are your signature strengths and how can you use them?”

IDENTIFY, KNOW AND BELIEVE!

“When we feel powerful, we make ourselves bigger”

Thank You! It’s time for me to get my Wonder Woman on!

Wonder Woman 1.2

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“As we let our own light shine, we .. give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson

This talk was presented at an official TED conference:

February 19, 2016December 30, 2022

It’s Not Personal

When I shared my New Year’s Resolution with my friend Patti (“Stop taking things personally – Let other people have their stuff”) – she told me it reminded her of one of The Four Agreements, a book by Don Miguel Ruiz. Naturally I took this as a sign to “re-read” the book. When I did it was as if I were reading it for the first time. Maybe I was.

4agreements 2 The agreements we make with ourselves can be good or bad; real, not real. They create the world we see and live. It takes courage to open our eyes to who we really are. Accepting our true self; learning how to let go of the limiting judgments and victimizations opens the door to happiness.

“Imagine that you have permission to be happy and to really enjoy your life. Your life is free of conflict with yourself and with others.

Imagine living your life without fear of expressing your dreams. You know what you want, what you don’t want, and when you want it. You are free to change your life the way you really want to. You are not afraid to ask for what you need to say yes or no to anything or anyone.”

All four agreements provide a good foundation to awareness. Using what we learn to grow and change requires discipline – “the discipline to be ourselves, no matter what.”

Following my sign from the Universe – applying this year to master the Second Agreement – “Don’t Take Anything Personally” is a worthy goal. When we take things personally, Don Miguel Ruiz says we’re “trapped in the dream of hell” – aka: “personal importance” – “Me, me, me, always me!”

“Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in.”

We see the world through our eyes; creating a movie in our minds – we’re the star, everyone else comes second. It’s our movie.

“The way you see the movie is according to the agreements you have made with life. Your point of view is something personal to you. It is no one’s truth but yours.

Then, if you get mad at me, I know you are dealing with yourself. I am the excuse for you to get mad. And you get mad because you are afraid, because you are dealing with fear.”

I know mad. Mad is all around us. Playing this thought in my head, and then flipping the pronouns – the “you” with “I” …

… if I get mad at you, I know I’m dealing with myself. You are the excuse for me to get mad; because I’m afraid.

www.managersdigest.co.uk — managersdigest.co.uk

You’re afraid. I’m afraid. What are we afraid of? When I reflect on my own mad times; growling at my husband, co-workers, the slow check-out clerk … or at some inequity, narrow-mindedness or prejudice – seeing the “it’s all about me” narcissistic jab stings. The mad is just an excuse – I’m mad because I’m afraid. Time to get real and face the underlying fear – if I do, maybe I have a chance to yank out the root and release myself from that “dream of hell.”

I’ve been taught and I’ve experienced … true change comes from being aware. All I need is courage – and discipline. I’ll get right on it.

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“Suffering ends when we stop fearing things that we can’t avoid.” – Paulo Coelho

January 22, 2016December 30, 2022

Be BOLD – Think Big

Wyoming Spread 2011 There’s enough for everyone!

Peter Diamandis and Steven Kotler hooked me with their book Abundance: The Future is Better Than You Think. Let’s focus on the good news – not doom, gloom, death & destruction (aka the 6 o’clock News). They reeled me in with statistician Hans Rosling’s TED Talk “The Best Stats You’ve Ever Seen” (very cool) – and then landed me with Moore’s law, Ray Kurzweil, exponential technology and signs that we’re living in the “Elbow of the Curve” – NOW . Today . like Kurzweil predicted in 2010.

My favorite quote from the book is by Neil Jacobstien, an Artificial Intelligence (AI) expert:

“Exponential technologies may eventually permit people to not need jobs to have a high standard of living. People will have many choices with how they utilize their time and develop a sense of self-esteem—ranging from leisure normally associated with retirement, to art, music, or even restoring the environment. The emphasis will be less on making money and more on making contributions, or at least creating an interesting life.”

That’s what I’m talking about – no “J.O.B.” – Choose how I spend my time, make contributions – live an interesting life! No need to retire. “Retirement” – Bah! Tell me! What can I do – how can I help create this vision?

When their new book BOLD; How to Go Big, Create Wealth, and Impact the World came out last year it went on my must read list. When I finally cracked the cover, I was completely absorbed, excited and energized. There are BIG thinkers out there. I want a part of that. I’d already made the decision to “retire” early . . veering off the usual path to follow my personal passions. Am I thinking too small? Or is my part just the right size?

Diamandis and Kotler explain that in the past life was “linear . . nothing changed over centuries or even millennia .. . today we live in a world that is global and exponential. The problem is that our brains—and thus our perceptual capabilities—were never designed to process at either this scale or this speed.” What a great time to be alive.

To help us think BOLD … they provided a road map to understand what they call the “Six Ds of Exponentials: digitalization, deception, disruption, demonetization, dematerialization, and democratization.”

Digitalization – “once a process or product transitions from physical to digital, it becomes exponentially empowered.” Check out: Moore’s Law.
Deception – “a period during which exponential growth goes mostly unnoticed.” This is the long, slow, excruciating slog where Seth Godin would ask you to consider if the effort is “dip worthy.”
Disruption – “innovation that creates a new market and disrupts an existing one.” Disruption follows deception; beware the “original technological threat often seems laughably insignificant.” Who remembers the first digital camera?
Demonetization – “the removal of money from the equation.” What? Pay for long distance? Crazy – get Skype!
Dematerialization – “the vanishing of goods and services.” Hello Smart Phone – Goodbye “video cameras .. GPS .. records .. tape recorders .. maps .. calculators.”
Democratization – “the end of the exponential chain reaction” – When prices approach “zero” and “free or ultra-low-cost Internet access to every human on Earth” is imminent.

As I gear up for my next adventure, it’s time to spell out what Diamandis and Kotler call my “MTP – My Massively Transformative Purpose.”

“Passion is the differentiator … throw up a flag and be very clear what you stand for … be as specific as possible.”

Then of course they go and quote Jeff Bezos of Amazon: “… you’ve got to be willing to be misunderstood for long periods of time.” Seriously? Direct hit on the Emerson Rule. How can I resist?

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“Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day. — `Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood.’ — Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

January 8, 2016December 30, 2022

Changes – The Story is Mine

In his Dec 8, 2015 blog post, Full Speed, then stop, gracefully, Seth Godin said “Quitting slowly doesn’t serve you well.” No – “Professionals bring their A game to work. Every time. (Rare sports analogy: this is how good hockey players skate. Full speed, then stop.)”

Yeah – no stress man. When this blog post hit my email, Renee and I were in New York – both of us skating intense ice hockey. While I was bringing my A-game that December day, my mind kept drifting elsewhere – to the decision I’d made months ago about a different future. Seth’s post touched a nerve and I internalized it as a sign to channel my inner Wayne Gretzky – focus on where I am, not where I will be next.

Knowing that the holidays were imminent; vacation and family time approaching – I buckled down, set aside my personal hobbies and daydreams; took care of business. How’s that working for ya girl?

Something was off, not right – couldn’t put my finger on it. So stressed out. Finally – at long last, I understood. The decision and timing is mine; doesn’t belong to anyone else. I was waiting and hoping for something outside of my control; giving over my story to someone else. Revisiting Seth’s post I see he also said:

“Of course you will need to close things down, quit your job, move on someday. The responsible way to do that, though, is not to act things out while you agonize over a decision. Decide, give notice, make the transition work.”

Decide, give notice, make the transition work.

Leaving my work home of 26 years – the comforting routine, my very good friends; and walking a new path is intimidating. I know my strengths where I am – the value I bring. This new vision … unknown, foreign; risky – exciting; Eek! Can’t live in both camps. Not possible. It’s time to set aside the skates and help the team carry on. The story is mine.

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“All changes, even the most longed for have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.” – Anatole France

November 28, 2015December 30, 2022

Okay Universe – Whatever it is; Bring It!

The quality of the affirmations I valued and kept 27 years ago surprised me. Yes, this is Now-me judging Then-me. Being seriously woo-woo back in the day, I was nervous to see what I wanted to manifest into my life. I’m rather delighted with Then-me. Two favorites:

“It’s okay to make noise. I express myself freely and joyously. I speak up for myself with ease. I express my creativity. I am willing to change.” – Louise Hay; You Can Heal Your Life

“I am harmonious, happy and divinely magnetic, and now draw to me my ships over a calm sea.” – Florence Scovel Shin; Your Word is Your Wand

The visual of drawing harmonious, happy “ships over a calm sea” is flat out appealing. Not limiting “my ships” to a material, relational or personal specific was brilliantly done Then-me! Considering some of the crazy going on at the time the desire for “a calm sea” wasn’t surprising.

Eight years ago my affirmations were full of “success” appeals – somehow I’d morphed into a full-fledged follower of the “prosperity gospel.” Our culture, the media, my workplace and some golden handcuffs had me chasing all sorts of worldly things that won’t necessarily bring lasting happiness.

Most recently my affirmations were about what generates joyful emotions within me.

Learning; the spark of joy when I “get it”
Being Physical Fit; strong, graceful and confident
Prayer & Meditation; feeling connection to “the All”
Connecting with my Power; knowing, without a doubt I create my world
Hiking with Friends; the peace of nature and loving camaraderie
Being with my husband & pets; chillin’ and playin’
Work that makes a difference and brings rewards

When I pair positive thoughts with this joy – I get giggly – or so darn grateful tears come to my eyes. THIS; this joy is worth manifesting in my life.

Instead of simply thinking myself a better reality; I can feel that reality into existence.

In his book You Are the Placebo, Dr. Joe Dispenza says that when we combine a thought, a clear intent and “embody the event emotionally” we change our brain; our “autonomic nervous system.” Dr. Joe says this “is vital because that’s the seat of the subconscious programming that’s been calling the shots.”

“It’s generally accepted in psychology that a person who experiences intense emotions tends to be more receptive to ideas.”

When these intense emotions are “Elevated” vs. “Limited” I’m building my brain to a better future. By focusing on gratitude I generate “the ultimate state of receivership.”

Let me embrace the attitude of gratitude and allow the Universe to bring it! What it looks like is immaterial.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Mud Run