I was interrupted while I was speaking during a business meeting/ conference call this week by a colleague who whispered loudly: “You are yelling” …
It is disconcerting to be interrupted like that mid-speech, in front of people, whether or not they could see (or hear) the exchange. I don’t think his motives were bad; he probably meant to help. My initial reaction was annoyance. Of course I had to keep talking (being mid-sentence), but I was definitely thrown.
Days later I was still bugged. Was I really that loud? WTH? Do I need to do something? Say something to him? How do I handle this unsolicited feedback? Is it him or is it me? Could my annoyance be signaling a past wound? My ex-husband used to call me “Bullhorn Hawk” when he wanted me to quiet down. Do I have unresolved issues there? Why is this bugging me so much?
AAARRRG!!! Please stop the voices inside my head!!!
Michael A. Singer says in The Untethered Soul that if I’m smart, I’ll “take the time to step back, examine this voice, and get to know it better.” Although I may not be to objective (since it is literally in my face/ head) – so I have to step way back and just “watch it converse.” I am not that voice. I am who notices that the voice exists.
When I step back and watch I find my mind constantly jabbering about something. Singer says the best way to free myself from this nonstop noise is to simply stop and listen to it – observe it. I can’t stop it by force of will. It is not me. The only way out of this trap is to know that it is not me. So by being conscious I can decide that I’m not going there – into the snare of not me and I will let go of all that junk. Singer also suggests:
“If you truly want to grow spiritually, you’ll realize that keeping your stuff is keeping you trapped. Eventually you’ll want out, at any cost. You will then realize that life is actually trying to help you. Life is surrounding you with people and situations that stimulate growth. You don’t have to decide who’s right or wrong. You don’t have to worry about other people’s issues. You only have to be willing to open your heart in the face of anything and everything, and permit the purification process to take place. When you do this, the first thing you’ll see is that situations will unfold that hit your stuff. But, in truth, that’s exactly what has been happening your entire life. The only difference is that now you see it as a good thing because it’s an opportunity to let go.
So thank you dude for helping me!
I do! I get louder as I get excited and engaged – and I kinda like the passion I feel, don’t really want to give it over because I’m too loud for some folks. Those tapes in my head can get triggered though – and society doesn’t seem to like loud women. I’m going to have to change that about society, eh?
Or accept that about society: that some portion of it will feel you’re too loud from time to time. And then, just be you. You are certainly sensitive to the prevailing mood and generally adjust your volume to fit that mood. If sometimes you encounter individuals that have an unanticipated issue with your volume, you choose: adjust your volume, or continue as you are if that feels right.
One of my buddies suggested I inventory the stories I tell myself in my head and label them as “the truth” or “lies” – if its the truth, take action if it’s a lie, disregard. I already know from this writing and sharing that everything you say is “the truth” !!! I will continue to TRUST in this.
Maybe as you became more enthusiastic in the conversation your volume escalated…I wouldn’t over think it unless you’re receiving the same feedback from multiple sources. (Ex-husbands don’t count–BTW Bullhorn is way over the top. ) And besides, those who love you LOVE YOU just the way your are.