Woulda, shoulda, coulda – Who doesn’t have a regret or a missed opportunity these words imply?
If I would have . . . Maybe I should have . . . If only I could have . . . So many ways to live in the past instead of now. Sometimes I don’t even realize I’m going there.
Being motivated, driven even; I freely acknowledge being a “Type A” personality – for decades! I owned the labels: competitive, organized; ambitious. While I didn’t necessarily like being tagged impatient and aggressive, if I’m honest they applied from time to time.
A year-and-a-half ago, I stepped off the corporate treadmill. Now what? Naturally I had plans. Then life happened, and I’m 18 months down a road I didn’t expect. Stepping away from being tightly scheduled, determined and industrious is enlightening. And uncomfortable.
If I woulda stayed on plan; I coulda already written a book. Shoulda kept to a schedule … woulda had more to show for all these months. What a load of horse manure. Still uncomfortable.
How easy it is to get sucked into this thinking. I’m incredibly grateful for my driven race to achieve goals … they brought me to a place where I can practice “Type B” behaviors. Re-train the brain. When I move past my discomfort, this new laid back lifestyle feels right and true. I’m learning that Type B’s aren’t slackers. They enjoy achievement; just don’t get all stressed out about it. And apparently have fewer heart attacks!
Allowing life to unfold – “living my way into the answer” as my friend Renee says, is an approach worth taking. Accepting that what I thought to be true may not be … opens my life to new possibilities. Some folks don’t get the opportunity to make this shift voluntarily. Re-imagining life, reinventing myself is a gift. Just maybe not the gift I expected.
Onward; slowly – like a snail or a leisurely summer Sunday. Achievement will happen; or not, one step – one day at a time.
“Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?” – Rumi