Plato documented in his Apology that Socrates died for his convictions – he would not run away, he would not be silent. Socrates knew that his jury would find his choice to be steadfast in his convictions hard to believe; and ultimately his belief “that the life which is unexamined is not worth living,“ and “would be disobedience to a divine command” – would bring a death sentence.
Thankfully I don’t face death in a court of law defending what I believe. There are those that do; and many who face censure from their community, family, friends and places of work – just for what they believe.
Mostly I fit it – am I too quiet because I want to fit in? Do I conform because it’s right for me, or because I don’t want to cause turmoil and drama? Do I bite my tongue because I want to be liked, loved, admired and trusted? Do I walk the party line at work because I’m afraid if I don’t they’ll throw me out on my ear and I need the paycheck? Do I even know who I am and what I believe – that I would risk my life for the right to be that? Do I have the courage to find out? 
Confession: I have a DVD recording of a talk I made during a women’s leadership seminar 5-years ago that I (still) have not watched. What the heck am I afraid of? That I sucked? 5-years ago? Yeah – I’m scared shitless to see myself suck. Hahahaha!!! Oh jeez.
I have calendar diaries and journals that I’ve kept since the late 80’s. Once I thought – oh my, I better get rid of these things, someone might read them and realize how f***’d up I am. Then one day I dipped into “1987,” and it was kinda (ridiculously) inane, poorly written, full of drama, fuss and frankly boring. Betting any hapless, poor sap reader would find it good fire-starting material.
But what a treasure trove for me. Let me examine my life! Maybe discover why I quit writing in 2005 – be brave – be tenacious (trudging through the trashy, melodramatic drivel) and look for nuggets that may educate and enlighten me. I agree with Socrates about an examined life. I want to know me – know what I am willing to die for; more importantly what I am willing to live for.
“Fear springs from ignorance.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson, The American Scholar
Many thanks! Its a work in progress, but well worth the journey.
I have found the Me has been the most difficult person to get to know. Reading above tells me that you have a beautiful character and a heart as big as the Mariana trench is deep.You are not a smart woman …you are a brilliant woman.