Acknowledging the flaws that short circuit my serenity and growth is an act of self-love.
Defense Mechanisms
It’s hard to admit imperfections and shortcomings. Avoidance, denial and projection all conspire to block my progress and keep me stuck in the status quo. Finding support to fess up in today’s environment takes fortitude. Resolve, wherefore art thou?
Maybe I know what I know, but that stuff’s ghastly. So, look away.
Making the unconscious, conscious is unnerving. Denial keeps anxiety and distress at bay; nothing to see here.
If there IS something to see, it’s not me – it’s you.
In Psychology Today, Shahram Heshmat Ph.D. says these “defense mechanisms work by changing the way we feel or interpret a situation. But they do not change reality.” Ultimately, he says that the “price for this protection is the inability to develop resilience.”
Resilience
Life can be overwhelming when I deny, disparage, or push away parts of myself that I deem embarrassing or shameful. Kendra Cherry (What Is Resilience?) says “Instead of falling into despair or hiding from issues by using unhealthy coping strategies, resilient people face life’s difficulties head-on.”
Resilient people are survivors. Their feelings are in control, and they manage their emotions. They work through difficulties. Resilient people accept who they are and are kind to themselves. Recognizing “the importance of support” they know “when they need to ask for help.”
Resilience is a skill worth pursuing.
When I face life head-on, I own my rough edges and ugly moments. These cringy bits are common; everyone has them. They aren’t shocking, but understandable when I appreciate my story. Letting go of habits steeped in defense and sanctuary want a decision and discipline. Decisions aren’t possible without awareness. Change won’t come without self-acceptance.
Recently I found a letter I wrote as my Higher Self to my younger, judgy self. So gracious and loving. She reminded me that the choices I made carried me to where I am today. Each step gave me experience and wisdom. Today I’m laying groundwork for new insights and blessings. The journey continues; mistakes and disappointments are a given. When I love myself despite all that, miracles happen.
“Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you! Shout loud, ‘I am lucky to be what I am!’” – Dr. Seuss
The last time I read The Clan of the Cave Bear by Jean Auel, mom was diagnosed with brain cancer – then two months later a workplace reorganization relieved me of my management responsibilities. First my heart was broken, then my ego crushed. A definite low point.
A melancholy infected me recently. Not the familiar personal struggle to overcome in private – but a more existential communal misery. I’m reaching for familiar tools – strong friendships, long talks; helping others, caring for animals; exercise and involvement.
In his book The Icarus Deception, Seth Godin says “Grit is our future.” He doesn’t mean the grit that interferes with our assembly lines and our spinach leaves. He’s talking about the internal grit that asks us to stand up and speak up; to point out the problems we see; to stay focused on doing “work that’s worth doing.”