There are days I’m overwhelmed with the “have to” fix myself scream – because the outside reflection of my insides is messed UP. Then there are days I’m so excited by life I feel like a living, physical squeal.
Projection – I am he; he is me. Wikipedia says “psychological projection is a theory in which humans defend themselves against unpleasant impulses by denying their existence in themselves, while attributing them to others. For example, a person who is rude may constantly accuse other people of being rude.”
In The Shadow Effect Debbie Ford says “If we can embrace the qualities that disturb us in others, we will no longer be upset by them. We might notice them, but they won’t affect us.” She refers to the distinction made by philosopher, psychologist Ken Wilbur, that “if a person or thing in the environment informs us, if we receive what is happening as information or a point of interest, we probably aren’t projecting. If it affects us, if we’re pointing our finger in judgment, if we’re plugged in, chances are we are a victim of our own projections.”
Ford also says, “Until we take back all the parts of ourselves we have projected away, whatever we refuse to accept will keep showing up in our life, either in our own behavior or in the behavior of someone close to us.”
Mighty fine motivation to own up. Co-author Marianne Williamson tells us “the point is not to deny the shadow .. for darkness is only dispersed when it is brought to light.” The way out the grip of projection is by embracing the shadow through “prayer, atonement, forgiveness, and love.”
Pray that the defect be lifted, own and atone my part of the story – accept responsibility; “ask God to change your heart.” Then forgive – forgive myself and others. Marianne Williamson reminds us:
“We heal when we feel forgiven. We heal in the presence of compassion. If you really want someone to change, the miracle lies in your ability to see how perfect they already are.”
“The shadow does not leave when it is attacked; it heals when it is forgiven. We do not take off our shadowy mask in the presence of someone who blames us, but rather in the presence of someone who says through words or behavior, ‘I know this is not who you are.’”
“Our thoughts and attitudes need persistent training in a world so intent on convincing us that we are who we are not and that we are not who, in fact, we are. The thinking of love is completely opposite the thinking that dominates this world; that is why we must be constantly reminded of the light.”
The need to greet every day with a positive intent, rid myself of secrets; open my eyes and own my defects – can be overwhelming. It’s easy to say the problem is with the other guy. But that doesn’t solve anything. Own up – surround myself with support and love and possibility. And start with the (wo)man in the mirror!
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“We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are”. – Max DePree
