It’s Not Personal

When I shared my New Year’s Resolution with my friend Patti (“Stop taking things personally – Let other people have their stuff”) – she told me it reminded her of one of The Four Agreements, a book by Don Miguel Ruiz.  Naturally I took this as a sign to “re-read” the book.  When I did it was as if I were reading it for the first time.  Maybe I was.

4agreements 2The agreements we make with ourselves can be good or bad; real, not real.  They create the world we see and live.  It takes courage to open our eyes to who we really are.  Accepting our true self; learning how to let go of the limiting judgments and victimizations opens the door to happiness.

“Imagine that you have permission to be happy and to really enjoy your life. Your life is free of conflict with yourself and with others.

Imagine living your life without fear of expressing your dreams. You know what you want, what you don’t want, and when you want it.  You are free to change your life the way you really want to.  You are not afraid to ask for what you need to say yes or no to anything or anyone.”

All four agreements provide a good foundation to awareness.  Using what we learn to grow and change requires discipline – “the discipline to be ourselves, no matter what.”

blue feather - CopyFollowing my sign from the Universe – applying this year to master the Second Agreement – “Don’t Take Anything Personally” is a worthy goal.  When we take things personally, Don Miguel Ruiz says we’re “trapped in the dream of hell” – aka: “personal importance” – “Me, me, me, always me!”

“Nothing other people do is because of you.  It is because of themselves.  All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in.”

We see the world through our eyes; creating a movie in our minds – we’re the star, everyone else comes second.  It’s our movie.

“The way you see the movie is according to the agreements you have made with life.  Your point of view is something personal to you.  It is no one’s truth but yours. 

Then, if you get mad at me, I know you are dealing with yourself.  I am the excuse for you to get mad.  And you get mad because you are afraid, because you are dealing with fear.”  

I know mad.  Mad is all around us.  Playing this thought in my head, and then flipping the pronouns – the “you” with “I” …

… if I get mad at you, I know I’m dealing with myself. You are the excuse for me to get mad; because I’m afraid.

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You’re afraid.  I’m afraid.  What are we afraid of?  When I reflect on my own mad times; growling at my husband, co-workers, the slow check-out clerk …  or at some inequity, narrow-mindedness or prejudice – seeing the “it’s all about me” narcissistic jab stings.  The mad is just an excuse – I’m mad because I’m afraid.  Time to get real and face the underlying fear – if I do, maybe I have a chance to yank out the root and release myself from that “dream of hell.”

I’ve been taught and I’ve experienced … true change comes from being aware.  All I need is courage – and discipline.  I’ll get right on it.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Margie at work 2

“Suffering ends when we stop fearing things that we can’t avoid.” – Paulo Coelho

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2 Replies to “It’s Not Personal”

  1. Pondering … yes! Fear is so individual. Why are my fears different than others? What other people are scared of doesn’t faze me – or visa versa. Peeling the layers back at being mad to see what (if) there is a fear hidden deep down helps me manage my reaction to what has pissed me off. It gives me a bit more empathy and compassion and lessens my fear. Ultimately living a happy life without fear and anger is the reward for looking.

  2. Pondering… Getting mad because I am afraid. Perhaps. Afraid of possible consequences of the action that I am mad about? Cause and effect? Hoping to change that possible consequence with anger? How’s that working for me?

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