Category: Psychology – Behavior and Mind

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Hooked by Illusion – Snap out of It!

Living in the present moment wants tenacity. Relentless worries about some possible future – or triggers from old narratives surface regularly. Getting hooked by the illusion shaped by these tales opens the door to suffering.

At the height of my Corporate adventures, musing about my next holiday lightened the daily grind. Before that my daydreams were filled with achieving the very role I then wanted to escape. And so on and so forth. An unconscious way to walk through life.

Something was amiss.

My curiosity on this puzzle led me to many great sages, like Dr. Joe Dispenza and Eckhart Tolle. Their books struck a chord, bringing together concepts and perspectives, particularly about the nature of time, that continue to influence my studies.

Time isn’t real. It’s simply a mental construct.

When I came across this Alan Watt’s thread on Twitter, I snagged it. The Universe generously and consistently sends me reminders. Which apparently, I need always and forever.

How curiously easy it is to disconnect from the only moment I genuinely have. Angst about the past. Dread for the future. Bonds used by the media, culture and habit, keep my eyes off the divine moment I inhabit.

Alan Watts says, “you can’t live at all unless you can live fully now” . . and that “we are living for an abstraction which has not yet come to be.”

Waking up to the moment is a good message to play on repeat – to watch for and acknowledge, to meditate on. Especially for a storyteller like myself.

“Glance into the world just as though time were gone: and everything crooked will become straight to you.”

― Friedrich Nietzsche
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“Don’t Worry, My Story Ends Good”

Thank you Lisa Nichols!

When I encounter those who would tear me down and point out how I fall short of their ideal, you remind me. You remind me to ignore the naysayers. You remind me to stand tall in my convictions and aspirations – to keep moving forward.

One thing that boosts my nerve to face the inevitable critics is the backing of kindred spirits.

Taking big risks to meet eccentric objectives is a habit I made early. The first few were reckless and impulsive. Without serendipity there for me things coulda gone sideways fast. Encountering a supportive, caring posse saved my ass, most of the time.

Subsequent leaps off the cliff were a bit more calculated. Now I apply the lessons learned; nurture a mutual, committed support system. And tuck away a tentative Plan B.

My community balances the critics. Everyone has an opinion. Listening to my personal board of directors helps me evaluate the contradictions. And yet, it is my peculiar insight that has the final say.

Ms. Nichols says, “other people’s perception of you ain’t none of your business.”

She’s right. It’s my unique knowing that matters. It’s me defying gravity.

“After all, the true seeing is within.” ― George Eliot, Middlemarch

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Balance – Hurry Up but Chill

Balancing the desire to make progress with the need to rest is an acquired talent. One that calls for self-knowledge, willingness and a decision. This trifecta can be a wobbly stool. Any one of the legs go missing . . . I fall flat.

Of course, it’s helpful to know what progress means to me personally. Along with the insight that my timeline is unique. Society encourages me to set and achieve prescribed goals; many of which are drilled into my psyche from birth. Unravelling a lifelong bias from authentic desire is essential.

Yes, setting and acquiring goals delivers rewards. Ensuring they’re rewards I want is key.

Pacing myself includes deference to my physical, mental and emotional health. This entails rest, quiet and leisure, not always supported in a hurried capitalistic culture.

Knowing my wants, but not my limits can mean I might push too hard. This is a recipe for accidents, exhaustion and sickness. When I don’t know myself enough to have boundaries – for myself and others, my buttons get pushed and I lose my skittles.

Knowing what I want, then being willing to do what’s required, and deciding to act every day is a recipe for growth.

We joke that “the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” But this is no joke.

“There is a huge difference between wanting to change and being willing to change. Almost everyone wants to change for the better. Very few are willing to take the steps necessary to create that change.”

– John T. Child

Within the principles of recovery programs, willingness is key to healing. This may not be an overnight accomplishment. Sometimes I must do as Abraham Hicks suggests and simply “be willing to be willing to be willing.”

Lucky for me I get a new day every day – to decide to take action.

“Don’t underestimate the power of resting. It builds you back unlike anything.” ― Hiral Nagda

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Choose to be Different – If You Want To

We are who we believe we are. Choosing to be different is within our control. Seth Godin’s recent blog post points out this opportunity. He told a friend of his:

“The person we see when we look in the mirror is the person we become, the person we fight to defend and persist with.

If you see someone who doesn’t have a lot of friends, then every time a potential friend comes along, you will find a way to distance yourself from the heartache of being rejected, and you’ll continue to not have a lot of friends.

If you see someone who isn’t happy with inputs you can’t control, then when new inputs come along, you’ll find something wrong with them and seek more control not less.

If you see someone who thrives on challenges, challenges will become a chance to thrive.”

Seth encourages me to show up every day and see the person I want to be. This requires I acknowledge habits of thought that perpetuate a self I don’t want. With this insight, he suggests I change the stories I tell. Stop the drama and the dogged discontent I narrate – to myself and to others. Tell better stories.

Then behave accordingly.

“If you want to become the kind of person who can teach an 8-year-old how to play basketball, you can start doing that right now.

If you want to be the kind of person who leads, you can begin to lead.

If you want to.”

Acknowledge the problem.

Decide to change.

Reprogram beliefs.

Apply new behaviors.

Again and again and again . . .

“If you want to.”

“But this is human life: the war, the deeds,
The disappointment, the anxiety,
Imagination’s struggles, far and nigh,
All human; bearing in themselves this good,
That they are still the air, the subtle food,
To make us feel existence, and to show
How quiet death is.” – Keats

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” ― Confucius

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Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner

Self-Care is vital, yet often one of the first things out the window. Too much to do. Or so I tell myself. Buying the tall tale fed to me since birth. This, that and the other is my responsibility. Rebel and suffer the consequences. Real and imagined.

Check that box, get the degree, marry that guy. Make the money – keep up with the Kardashians. All worthy goals – if it’s what you REALLY want. What if I don’t?

Stepping off the treadmill and doing for me, opens the door to self-reflection. Knowing who I am and what I want is the most caring thing I can do for myself. This requires I recognize and accept my good and bad.

Depending on my story, this is a relaxed ramble, or a dreadful descent. Being dragged through a hedge backwards accurately describes a few of my outings. Didn’t level me, but it hurt. I got scars.

Witnessing my shadow self is uncomfortable. It requires I confront the bits that don’t want to be a Kardashian. That reveal I’m different; not weird, not wrong or deficient. Just not what’s expected by society.

Defense mechanisms like denial, projection and repression let me keep the support and admiration of my community. But the cost can be acute. Feelings of guilt and shame for alleged derelictions of duty are persuasive. Yet, when I disregard my wants and desires, anger and resentment will show up somewhere.

In her book, Women Who Run With The Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estes shared the words of Opal Whitely:

“Today near eventime I did lead
The girl who has no seeing
A little way into the forest
Where it was darkness and shadows were.
I led her toward a shadow
That was coming our way.
It did touch her cheeks
With its velvety fingers.
And now she too
Does have likings for shadows
And her fear that was is gone.”

Self-care feels good. It’s not selfish, but an abundant doorway to discovery. When I face my shadows, own my projections and accept my truth, I’m content – and one step closer to empowerment.

“The doors to the world of the wild Self are few but precious. If you have a deep scar, that is a door, if you have an old, old story, that is a door. If you love the sky and the water so much you almost cannot bear it, that is a door. If you yearn for a deeper life, a full life, a sane life, that is a door.”

― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves
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