As Steve Winwood says – “Hang in and do that sweet thing you do.”
“The mental flexibility of the wise man permits him to keep an open mind and enables him to readjust himself whenever it becomes necessary for a change.”
Italian writer Dante Alighieri’s Inferno awards the ninth and grimmest circle of hell for those guilty of treachery. A place “reserved for traitors, betrayers and oathbreakers.”
This punishment may feel appropriate when the offender is someone else. But beware throwing stones in a glass house. Who is without an ounce of deceit? Or possess baggage with no broken promises or vows? And what about the pledges I make to myself? Do they count as betrayal?
In her book The Way of Integrity, Martha Beck offers a framework to achieve a life of personal integrity. Tapping into Dante’s passage undertaken in the Divine Comedy, she invites us on a journey to discover our true self. Then she encourages us to live that life.
Simple – but not easy; right up my ally. There’s always something new to learn.
As I progressed, completing each exercise, applying the techniques to get to my truth, I had several “AHA” moments.
The ONE PRACTICE Martha recommends to end suffering and be happy, is – STOP LYING. But be responsible, especially if life dynamics are dangerous.
“Don’t go public immediately. Just notice for yourself, where, why, and to whom you lie. . . But stop lying to yourself.”
“Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others.” ― Fyodor Dostoevsky
Martha presents three kinds of lies to consider:
Black lies: Deliberate, premeditated deception
White lies: The social contract leads to social fibs
Gray Lies: The fudge factor . . . that “preserves our concept of ourselves”
Black lies are the most obvious, egregious and isolating. White lies may seem harmless but could hide some unconscious self-deception. The Gray lies are found in the stories I tell myself when I’m hiding and may be the source of denial or projection. And watch for moments when silence feels like a lie.
“When truth is replaced by silence, the silence is a lie.”
― Yevgeny Yevtushenko
There are consequences when we change our behavior and Martha cautions:
“Here’s the rub: if you stop lying, you’ll eventually, inevitably violate the rules of a culture that matters to you.”
Walk gently into this new frame of reference. Allow myself to mourn the release of that inauthentic self. Be prepared for push back. But take that first and hardest step and stop lying to myself. Experience the freedom to live an uncommon paradigm.
Maria Scrivan
I stand on the precipice of paradise, having traveled two-thirds through the Comedy with Martha. She titles this chapter “Into the Mystery.” Anticipation, delight and curiosity are before me.
“The truly scary thing about undiscovered lies is that they have a greater capacity to diminish us than exposed ones. They erode our strength, our self-esteem, our very foundation.”
Everything’s gonna be okay. Platitude or attitude? When I’m overwhelmed or upset it feels like a cliché. But when I get quiet; when I slow down and put into perspective whatever’s carousing with my emotions – it becomes a relaxed confidence.
Byron Katie developed a method that starts by asking “Is it true?” Then … can you be absolutely certain it’s true? This is what she calls “The Work.” She goes on to ask us to consider how we react when we believe this thought – and who would we be if we didn’t?
I’m bombarded every day with stories created for clicks and eyeballs. Some are entertaining, far too many are disturbing. Back in the 80’s Don Henley called out the compulsive hunger society has for “Dirty Laundry.” It benefits me to question this tendency.
If there’s no way to be 100% certain the ugly crap is true, why believe it? Especially if it just makes me mad, sad and unfriendly. When I look for the positive and delightful in people and the world at large – I’m optimistic, happier and more pleasant to be around.
Neville Goddard tells me to use my imagination to create the world I want to live in. If I focus on negative things that I have no control over, the evidence of that attention appears in my life. Instead, when I turn my energy to solutions and empowerment within my circle of influence, the world changes for the better.
Happy Dog
So slow down. Look for the upbeat stories. Give the benefit of doubt to the growly, confused neighbor. Cultivate feeling groovy – like Simon and Garfunkel suggest:
A recent meditation presented me with the visual of Dorothy’s ruby slippers from “The Wizard of Oz.” As a kid this movie sent me running down the hall when the Wicked Witch set her monkeys after Scarecrow. What message could there be for me now?
Most obviously are the shoes. They were the power to get her home; but she had to discover that power – and own it.
“You always had the power, my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself.” – Glinda the good witch; The Wizard of Oz
It’s Glinda the Good from “The Wiz” that resonates even more now:
“Home is a place we all must find, child. It’s not just a place where you eat or sleep. Home is knowing. Knowing your mind, knowing your heart, knowing your courage. If we know ourselves, we’re always home, anywhere.”
It’s curious how difficult it is to admit that I don’t know jack. Especially when I know I don’t know jack!
I got “IT” when I went to The Forum, that “large group awareness training program” – (gentler version of EST). They worked hard to make sure I got it. The experience was designed for transformation; personal responsibility and accountability the objective. Open the door to possibility.
About Knowledge: there’s stuff I know and stuff I know I don’t know. Then there’s stuff that I don’t know that I don’t know; the melting pot of probability.
Being open to possibility – potential beyond today’s understanding drives many of my life choices. It fosters a desire for knowledge, to discover more; despite the likelihood I’ll reach any guarantees.
Exploring, learning and speculating is fun. Feeling passionate about what I know guides my voice. Applying “The Emerson Rule” invites my imagination to run riot.
“Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
New revelations occur when I’m still and hear my higher self. When I’m willing to be teachable and welcome an evolution of my beliefs I am more resilient. Not having all the answers is liberating.
“I think it’s much more interesting to live not knowing than to have answers which might be wrong. I have approximate answers and possible beliefs and different degrees of uncertainty about different things, but I am not absolutely sure of anything and there are many things I don’t know anything about, such as whether it means anything to ask why we’re here. I don’t have to know an answer. I don’t feel frightened not knowing things, by being lost in a mysterious universe without any purpose, which is the way it really is as far as I can tell.”
